Dateline East Philomath: (AP) Chaos broke out in the back woods last Saturday when an Oregon State Beaver fan, overcome with what was happening on the field, spontaneously combusted. A mop and bucket brigade were dispatched forthwith to Section 125, where the unfortunate event took place.
While at first the identity of the Beaver fan pictured above was withheld due to the yuckiness factor, this reporter discovered that it was (used to be) Bennie Shinemixer. Mr. Shinemixer was born and raised in East Philomath and never was given a choice in college football loyalties…poor headless sap.
It was the first such episode of human involuntary pyrotechnics since Jeremiah Johnson danced into the Reser Stadium end zone too many times to count. This time the explosion was over a perceived slight by a member of the Oregon Ducks on the field. There was a post-play melee, some degree of stomping occurred, and Beaver fans throughout the stadium shouted their disapproval at what they perceived as a blatant display of unsportsmanlike behavior. Booing, face reddening, obscenity laced epithets, and fist waving were the order of the day as angry Beavers were appalled at what had just happened before their squinty little inbred eyes.
And this was only about the band. You should have REALLY seen them get mad when DeAnthony Thomas got all up in their business.