Three Great Things To Do With Your Cell Phone During the Fiesta Bowl

  1. Turn it off.
  2. Leave it in your car, in a drawer, or in your garbage disposal.
  3. Put it somewhere else where you won’t lose it. (Might I suggest the bottom of the shoe you’re wearing or hidden discreetly behind the rear tire of your SUV?)

I hate your cell phone. Heck, I hate my cell phone. I’m not a Luddite or a cranky old man waving my cane as young punks speed by my house in their fancy import cars (it’s a bat I’m waving). In my house there are two tablet computers, a Playstation 3, a PSP, two high definition televisions, a laptop computer, a desktop computer, and two smartphones. I love all these gadgets, but the only things that needs to be on Thursday evening are my televisions. Leave the other stuff to rest safely in the bathtub while you scream, high five, and enjoy the game while trying to explain the intricate details of the read-option offense to somebody who has had one too many hot buttered rums.

I had the pleasure of going to my first Portland Timbers game this season. I sat behind two not unattractive women who spent the entire time taking cell phone pictures of each other while not watching the game. It seems that we’re so afraid our memory will fail us as we get older that we must “capture the moment.” Unfortunately, a moment that was supposed to be about football is now about how to get your Galaxy S3 to take a photo with its front-facing camera. Don’t spoil the moment for me. I want to see the game (not your phone) and hear your thoughts on it and discuss your strategy. And don’t ask me to smile for the camera.

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