That’s it. The Ducks’ 2013 football season is over before it starts. Duck fans’ dreams of a national championship have gone the way of Rick Neuheisel’s coaching career. Yep, the games don’t need to be played. One of my favorite sports writers, ESPN’s Ted Miller, in his “Bold Predictions” article is predicting a BCS title to the Ducks. We should bask in the glow of the association with the crystal football, mainly because these jinx things do exist.
Ask anybody who’s been on the cover of a Madden game — Peyton Hillis? Ask folks who have suffered the Sports Illustrated jinx — ringing De’Anthony Thomas! Media jinxes do exist. Now my man Ted Miller has wrecked our upcoming season. There is only one thing that I can do to counteract this reckless journalism. To undo the curse, I must anticipate the worst that can happen during the upcoming season.
Please don’t take this too hard, but in this nightmare of a season, the Ducks will average only 38 points a game. Marcus Mariota will be distracted by the Oregon hotties who have Hawaiian fever and forget to hand the ball off to DAT on the read option, and be forced to go 80 yards to the endzone on his own. The Ducks are required to destroy a Big Ten team in the national championship game, because the entire SEC will forget to schedule subdivision opponents ever other week. Chip Kelly will have four post-season NFL interviews — instead of three — and when the NCAA finishes its investigation of the Ducks (and they are exonerated), we will be forced to hear that fraud, Willie Lyles, on the radio for a couple weeks.
That’s about the worst I can think of for next season. How about you?