The University of Oregon has become the trendy, hip school that all the kids talk about. We are fast. We are talented. We are sexy.
Thanks to Nike and Uncle Phil, our beloved program gets to wear a new uniform nearly every game and change them up completely just when people get too comfortable with our beauty. It is time to make the nations jaws drop EVERY time we dress up, like the release of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
Last go-around, Oregon came out with the wings on the shoulders. Now, our uniforms have a feather rendition on the shoulders.
So what is the next revolution in the Oregon uniform saga?
My prediction: fully feathered jerseys. Like our spring game uniforms that have numerous colors surrounding the jersey in camouflage swirl, the feathers will be distributed throughout the uniform instead of residing strictly on the shoulders. The uniforms will have the same colors as this year – yellow, green, black and white – but the uniform will be cluttered with feathers of two colors (green and yellow, black and silver, green and black etc.), hassling announcers as they try to proclaim our uniform color. “Is it green or is it yellow?” they will ask themselves. It’s both, duh. It may look like we got caught in the crosshairs of paintball fire, or it might look freaking awesome.
“You’re joking,” you say?
I ain’t got time for that!
Maryland and Under Armour tried stealing our thunder with a hideous uniform that couldn’t last two seasons. We will blow viewers’ minds every time we step on the field like every time Kate Upton wears a bikini for the camera.