Comparing Ducks to South Park Characters


People love to compare current college football players to NFL stars, but really that is just speculation.  Comparing players to other people is a more accurate observation and a hell of a lot more fun.  I figure I would compare some current Oregon football players to – none other than – the characters of South Park.

Marcus Mariota – Stan Marsh

Stan Marsh is one of the only moral, sane and realistic characters on South Park.  Unscathed by mountains in his path and determined to be the best he can be, Stan is often the hero of the episode, leading his friends out of tough situations and saving the day.  Mariota is the Stan of this team.  He is shy to the media, always improving himself and an example to those around him.  Mariota, like Stan, is young and has all the potential in the world.

Photo by Kevin Cline Photography

T-Mitch and Cartman have at least one thing in common: they don’t take crap from anyone.

Terrance Mitchell – Eric Cartman

I’m not trying to say that Mitchell is conniving, selfish, chubby or mean, I am just saying that he never turns down a good smack-talking… in fact he often starts it.  It’s not a bad thing – having a competitive nature and taking every play personally – I’m just saying it’s a quality that separates his personality from others.  Similar to Cartman, T-Mitch wears his heart on his sleeve and any insult is a direct threat and won’t be left in purgatory.

DeAnthony Thomas - Butters

A perfect comparison if you ask me.  Thomas is kind, innocent and never shies away from helping a fellow being.  Just like Butters.  You can never be mad at either.  If they make a mistake you know it was only with the best intentions.  Need a best friend or a shoulder to cry on?  Both are as sweet and caring as can be.

Feature Photo by Kevin Cline Photography


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Brandon Gruber

Brandon Gruber

Brandon is a senior at The University of Oregon majoring in Film Studies and minoring in Communications. Brandon has been a Duck fan for ten years since he moved from southern California to Salem, Oregon, and quickly realized the Ducks were the missing piece in his life. A Pac-12 fan since birth, much of his family attended UCLA and has since converted all of them to the Quack Attack. Brandon interned for the Statesman Journal covering the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes and hopes to work for the Pac-12 in the near future. He also hopes to see the "Flying-V" formation played out on the football field in the fall of 2013. Brandon would love your feedback on any and all articles. Tweet me: @BrandonGruber

  • Bryan Holt

    I love this! Hit just about every one on the nail. I’ve been sitting here contemplating who would fit Kyle but I haven’t been able to narrow it down.