Hear it not Duncan, for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell.
It’s only been four hundred years since William Shakespeare walked the planet, so now that the NCAA’s investigation of Oregon football recruiting practices is over, it’s time to hand out the Shakespeare Awards – and here they are:
The Merchant of Venice award for selling something for much more than its street value goes to…we all know this one…Willie Lyles.
The Love’s Labour’s Lost award for disappointment goes to all those Beaver and Husky fans who spent countless internet hours beating the drum for harsh penalties and were counting on receiving the Midsummer Night’s Dream award, which (sorry, Beavs and Dogs) goes to Duck fans everywhere, along with the award for As You Like It.
The Taming of the Shrew award for being a general weasel posing as something better – In an unrelated feature along the way, this award goes to former Ohio State coach Jim Tressel. Though it wasn’t Shakespeare, Ohio State took home the Throw Mama from the Train award.
The Comedy of Errors award also goes to an unrelated feature, the NCAA’s investigation of Miami’s violations. Competing against itself as the only nominees, the NCAA edged out their own snap judgment on the Auburn/Cam Newton case and their gross misjudgment handed down against USC.
The Tempest award for riding out the storm for twenty-seven months goes to the University of Oregon football program.
The Much Ado about Nothing award goes to Chip Kelly, who is forced to honor his muti-gazillion dollar contract with the Philadelphia Eagles instead of returning to college football for the next year and a half.
And the final award – drum roll, please – goes to the University of Oregon and its fans. All’s Well That Ends Well.