National Crises Solved Here

Tim Tebow

Good morning, birds of a feather.  It has been said that sports are an escape from the problems of the world.  I suggest that they are more important than that.  We all know that this country has some problems that it needs to solve.  The world of sports offers not just a distraction, but solutions.

Dependence on Foreign Energy: Political strife surrounds most of the known available oil.  The Keystone Pipeline has it’s detractors, fracking causes earthquakes, and calls for domestic conservation are met with  NASCAR.  Where can we find the precious fuel that heats our homes and powers Grave Digger?

Grave Digger

Not Exactly a Prius

Well we can find the solution in the world of sports, of course.  Specifically college football.  We need never concern ourselves about a shortage of oil if we just drill into the souls of the three oiliest characters that we can find.  There’s enough grease in these pigs to fry your bacon for a month.

The Right Reverend Cecil (How much tithe to the Lord can I expect for my boy Cam, hoss?) Newton

The Right Reverend Cecil (“So tell me, hoss.  How much tithe to the Lord can I expect for my boy Cam?”) Newton

Reggie Bush who?

“Reggie Bush who?  I’ve wanted to coach in Seattle forever.”

Mmmm-hmmm indeed you snake.

Mm-hmm indeed.

Joblessness:  The unemployment rate is hanging stubbornly at between eight and nine percent according to recent statistics.  Jobs that would have normally gone into the domestic pile are being outsourced overseas.  There is a growth industry on the horizon, though.  Tim Tebow didn’t play in New England’s 40-7 loss to Detroit in game three of the preseason and, according to reports this morning, he isn’t scheduled to see action next week either.  It seems increasingly likely that Tebow will not be on New England’s Opening Day roster in two weeks.   Grief counselors are needed, stat!

Tears for Timbo.

Tears for Timbo.

Depression:  All joking aside, anyone who has ever been a loved one of someone with depression knows that it is an awful malady that saps the sufferers will to even get out of bed.  No amount of encouragement helps someone who is that far down.  The good folks at FishDuck Interstellar Holdings understand and care about our readers who may be afflicted.  Sometimes if you have something to look forward to it helps.  To that end we offer this light at the end of the summer:

Thursday | Aug. 29
North Carolina at (8) South Carolina | 3 p.m. | ESPN
(16) Utah State at Utah | 5 p.m. | Fox Sports 1
Ole Miss at (23) Vanderbilt | 6:15 p.m. | ESPN

Friday | Aug. 30
North Dakota State at (12) Kansas State | 5:30 p.m. | Fox Sports 1

Saturday | Aug. 31
Buffalo at (3) Ohio State | 9:00 a.m | ESPN2
Toledo at (9) Florida | 9:21 a.m. | ESPN3/SEC Network
Rice at (5) Texas A&M | 10 a.m. | ESPN
Central Michigan at (24) Michigan | 12:30 p.m. | Big Ten Network/BTN2
Temple at (4) Notre Dame | 12:30 p.m. | NBCS
(22) Northern Illinois at Iowa  12:30 p.m. | Big Ten Network/BTN2
Nicholls State at (2) Oregon | 4 p.m. | Fox Sports 1
Virginia Tech vs. (1) Alabama | Dallas | 2:30 p.m. | ESPN
Eastern Washington at (20) Oregon State | 3 p.m. | Pac-12 Network
Louisiana Tech at (15) Oklahoma | 4 p.m. | PPV
Wyoming at (25) Nebraska | 5 p.m. | Big Ten Network/BTN2
New Mexico State at (19) Texas | 5 p.m. | Longhorn Network
(5) Georgia vs. (11) Clemson | Atlanta | ABC
(14) LSU vs. TCU | 6 p.m. | Dallas | ESPN
(18) Boise State at Washington | Fox Sports 1
(17) Northwestern at Cal | 7:30 p.m. | ESPN2

Sunday | Sept. 1
Ohio at (13) Louisville | 12:30 p.m. | ESPN

Monday | Sept. 2
(10) Florida State at Pittsburgh | 5 p.m. | ESPN


It’s college football season!  Let’s rock!


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Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA. He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as "TacomaDuck."

  • CBDuck

    Why East coast times?

    • Kim

      Good call, CBDuck. I fixed it. Thanks for reading. We are nothing if not responsive at the offices of the worldwide headquarters of

  • tarvos0

    I see advertising, that generates revenue, yes? And, I see THREE guys who are called editors. I hope to heck that the revenue’s not going in total to the 3 editors when you’ve got a humorist who knows Pac-12 football drawing readers to your site like Hastings does.

    • FishDuck

      As we explain often….the few ads we have are simply to pay the costs of the site. Our editors volunteer a ton of hours, as does the writers, myself, for a total of over 80 volunteers that work to entertain YOU the reader.

      • DDavis06Momba


        • Bill Gessick Go Ducks

          Yep, I totally agree that “Hastings” definitely wrote that. Tarvos0’s comment is so off topic and random that it is obvious. Like some random reader is really stressed about whether or not Kim Hastings is getting paid for writing his really weird posts.
          The other weekly writer, Jeff Hostetler, anonymously comments on his own posts all the time as well. It’s pretty creepy.

          • FishDuck

            OK…you guys are getting out there in La-La land. Kim is an established writer tasked with providing a little levity to the site and does so every Saturday morning. If you don’t like it…skip it.

            If you doubt that this is Charles Fischer writing this….email me at

            Kim…you spawn conspiracy theories!

          • FortuneDuck

            Charles you are letting this site crash by having writers who write articles like this one. It’s even worse because they comment on their own articles. Charles I have been a long time fan of the website since you started, I only came to your website to see your videos and analysis. FishDuck has lost its credibility with odd writers like Hastings. Charles, this is an honest fan telling you the truth.

          • FishDuck

            Fortune…it is humor. If you don’t care for it…skip it. But if you skip the site over one writer out of 40, then you are missing some great stuff.