I’ve lived in Tacoma, Washington, for the better part of two decades. During that time, Tacoma has had several nicknames. First, it was “City of Destiny,” then, “America’s Most-Wired City.” But my favorite is the one that was just adopted, “You Can Smell the Huskies’ Desperation From Here.” Living up here gives me the unique opportunity to talk to die hard Huskies. I decided to interview a few of them to see what accomplishments they would like to see from the Sarkian Barkers this season.
First, I asked long-time season ticket holder Tyler Hansback what he wanted to see from the Huskies. “More petulance! Absolutely! Yesterday was a good start. Somebody hit Sark’s quarterback in practice, and Sark didn’t let anyone talk to the press after. I like that in a coach.”
“But, Mr. Hansback, wouldn’t that be appropriate only if it had been a member of the press who hit his guy?”
“How do you know it wasn’t? Lord knows, nobody on our defense has hit a quarterback in years.”
He had me there.
Next I interviewed Floggem Silly. A recent addition to the Tyee Club, Mr. Silly had ideas of his own. “Excuses that are more creative. We can’t ALWAYS lose because we’re young. Sometimes we’re going to lose because the refs had it in for us or were paid off by Nike. Sometimes we’re going to lose because the sun got in our eyes or because the other team plays too fast. There’s a million good excuses out there.”
“What if you just lose because the other team has better players, coaches, and schemes . . . say, for the 10th time in a row?”
“Never happen. Did you know that we won a half a Natty because we didn’t have to play Miami? Yeppers, that’s tradition — and only 22 years ago at that. That means there’s always an external reason why we lose.”
“Thanks for talking to me, Mr. Silly. Um, you have a little drool right . . . there – got it.”
Finally, I caught up with Husky cheerleader/turned exotic dancer Goagh Hin outside her place of business:
“Ms. Hin, as one of the classiest Husky fans in town, what would you like to see your team try to do in the month before the opener?”
“Why change anything? They gots that Marquis Tuiasosopupuplatter at corderback and Huge McMillanandWife, too. If they listen to the brainiest brain on the team, they’ll winnnnn.”
“I’m curious, Ms. Hin – Who is this big brain that has all the answers?