Everything that I tell you folks is true. Some things may be a little truer than others. The conversation that I am about to share with you is, I swear, the gospel truth. It was Monday morning about 8:45 am. I was talking to a UCLA fan about the upcoming game. He said,
“You guys wouldn’t be any good at all if you weren’t owned by Ted Knight.”
This is what passes for witty and insightful conversation with these folks. But they can’t be blamed. Their head coach, the affable Jim Mora Jr., has been thrown out of more jobs than Peter Griffin. Mora the Younger was head coach for the Atlanta Falcons when he told Softy Mahler that he would leave the Falcons in the middle of a playoff run if he got a chance to coach U-TeninaRow. The Seahawks, because they have as little self-respect as anyone, hired Mora to be their head coach and “the future of the franchise.” The future turned out to be one very forgettable year. Now, Little Mora is at UCLA. But for how long? Obviously I don’t know for sure but I’m investing heavily in . . .
Actually I have a lot of respect for UCLA. Remember those Lew Alcindor and Bill Walton teams? Remember that they were getting $1000 handshakes from Sam Gilbert before it was fashionable to do so? Oh . . . you mean football. Yeah, remember —
UCLA will tell you that they have a sterling football tradition. Of course, Duke will tell you the same thing and be lying just as much. There are actually only two seasons in Westwood. Beach and hoops.
But that’s okay! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. In Eugene, we play football. It’s speed, power and precision. At UCLA, they play the zither and contemplate the meaning of Zen.
But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some interesting facts about UCLA, other than “fewer murders per semester than at ‘SC.” There are. Here are a couple:
1. Head Coach Tommy Prothro Always Carried a Briefcase With Him on the Sidelines. No One Knew What Was in It . . . Until Now.
2. UCLA is Known for it’s “Undie Run” When Underclassmen Run Around in their Skivvies During Finals Week
There are more interesting things about UCLA, but I think I’ll quit with his behind. Go Ducks. Maul the Mediocre.