Sssshhh . . . I’m typing this from the closet floor in an undisclosed location for the annual FishDuck.com Super Bowl party. We’re all incredibly rich from working here but what’s even better than the money, cars and models is the lavish parties that Fish throws for us several times a year. I don’t even know where I am right now. I was just told to bring a passport and zero gravity underwear.
Like all good Super Bowl parties this one has a board where you can buy squares to guess the final score of the game. Unlike most office pools, though, the winner of this one gets his own country. Last year Fish himself won, which means that he got to change the name of an existing nation.
But our favorite part of Fish’s Super Bowl party is the drinking games we play. Which led me to wonder why we should have all the fun? Feel free to play right along with us:
1. One beer for every ten times that Peyton Manning says, “Omaha.” Good Lord! No one outside of Nebraska even knew that Omaha was a city until Manning started saying it over and over again. Personally I thought it was just a word that came before “Steak.”
2. Shot of tequila every time Joe Buck says, “This is a big third down for the offense.” Isn’t it, by definition, a big third down for the defense as well?
3. Jack and Coke every time Troy Aikman says, “Marshawn Lynch is a downhill runner.” Stadium architects worked diligently to make sure that Met Life Stadium’s field is perfectly level. There is no such thing as “running downhill” on a flat field.
4. Shot with a couple of beers back every time Richard Sherman makes a tackle and woofs about it: You should be okay. He made a whole two tackles against the 49ers and has cashed in as if it was a career day.
5. Seven and Seven every time the camera lands on John Elway. Bonus margarita if it’s backed by the Soundtrack of a horse whinnying.
6. Finally, being poured into your car by the Designated Driver when the confetti falls.
Wherever you are and whatever you do tomorrow, please stay safe. The private jet you run into, when careening in a drunken stupor onto an airport tarmac, may be FishDuck’s.
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