The financial website “The Street” went on a quest to find the states where the most intelligent people reside. While I have nothing but respect for Massachusetts, Minnesota, Connecticut, et. al, my greatest interest in their findings were largely in the other direction. What states put out the greatest percentile of dummies … and what might it say about college sports?
10. Tennessee: No real surprise here. The most intelligent person to come out of Tennessee was Ernie Ford and he died 23 years ago. In a state where Dollywood is considered an attraction and a faded version of Oregon State’s colors adorn the state’s premier college, the Volunteer State gets to be the smartest of the nincompoop states. I guess that’s something.
9. Oklahoma: I feel a little bit bad about this one. I have four relatives in Oklahoma and the fact that they make up 10% of the total I.Q. in the state is something that i find sad. As Oregon fans, we have had our dealings with Sooners and Sooner or later the subject of college football will come up. They have no answer for this (or anything else where more than two syllables are required).
8. Indiana: A little bit of a surprise until you remember that this is the state that idolizes a sociopath.
7. Alabama: Are we surprised that the folks in Alabama are a little slow? The state’s premier college football coach wants to codify “slow” as part of the NCAA rulebook.
6. Nevada: Surely a misprint. Wayne Newton took a run at Beverly De’Angelo in “Las Vegas Vacation.” I support that decision.
5. Louisiana: Louisiana and their state university are known for raucous and drunk home games, raucous and drunk fans at “neutral site” games within walking distance of their home field and the drunk-fest known as Mardi Gras. Eventually the folks in the Cajun State need something to dilute all that liquor. A state high on the intelligence list would choose something starchy or salty. Not so, Louisiana.
4. Kentucky: Two things that you need to know about Kentucky. They call themselves the “Bluegrass State,” but the grass isn’t blue.
And, though the first enamel bathtub was invented in Louisville in 1856, no one in Kentucky thought to bring it inside until 1956.
3. Mississippi: This is a sensitive one because a lot of Duck fans feel an affinity for Mississippi State. But the statistics don’t lie. Mississippians couldn’t communicate from town to town for years because the string tied to the can would get caught up in the cow.
2. Arkansas: The first runner-up in the 2014 Pageant of the Dumb is Arkansas. Rumor has it that this state was named when a settler without access to a Garmin, wrote home and said, “I are in Kansas.”
1. West Virginia: Look, I’m as big a fan of postgame football celebrations as anyone. There is a particular frat in Corvallis that once got extra eggs for breakfast courtesy of, well never mind that. But celebrating a big win over a rival with the torching of a perfectly good couch? That’s just dumb.
So what did we learn? Well, six of the ten states fall in SEC country, represented by nine different universities, and none of the ten states are home to a Pac-12 school. That’s easy enough to explain. Twelve is a pretty high number to count.
Go Ducks, women and men!
Top photo by de.toonpool.com.