Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch the World Cup
Biggest sporting event in the world! Dwarfing the Super Bowl and the NCAA Tournament combined! More than one $Billion wagered worldwide! Watched in more than 800 million homes worldwide in 356 countries in three galaxies! Sport with the most openly phallic trophy in the history of the world!
Just stop! At the risk of having the comment box overloaded with negative flak.
There are a lot of things going on in the sports world that I do care about right now. Baseball, the NBA Finals, Lawn Darts, Competitive Banana Smoking, Armpit Hair Braiding. All of these can hold my attention more than “Futbol.”
In fact, I have compiled a partial list events that are going on around the Pac-12 that might catch your eye and hold your attention during the interminable tourney going on in Brazil.
1. Beaver Goosing: Up in Corvallis, they are participating in their annual mascot-bonding experience. Beaver fans sneak up behind the little critters and …
2. Body Type Appreciation Seminar: Up in Pullman, the Cougars are holding a seminar called “I’m OK, You’re Kind of OK, But You’re Still Pretty Fat.” Mike Leach keynotes.
3. The 50th Annual Mascot Validation Event: The USC provost and Board of Trustees explain to their fans, one more time, that they had nothing but the noblest intentions when they named their team after a prophylactic.
4. The Inagural “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” Event: Here in Eugene, we are going to our happy place. Though I don’t know why we need one. Here is our football schedule for last year.
1 Aug 31, 2013 (3) Oregon v Nicholls State W 66-3
2 Sep 7, 2013 (2) Oregon @ Virginia W 59-10
3 Sep 14, 2013 (2) Oregon v Tennessee W 59-14
4 Sep 28, 2013 (2) Oregon v California W 55-16
5 Oct 5, 2013 (2) Oregon @ Colorado W 57-16
6 Oct 12, 2013 (2) Oregon @ Washington W 45-24
7 Oct 19, 2013 (2) Oregon v WSU W 62-38
8 Oct 26, 2013 (2) Oregon v UCLA W 42-14
9 Nov 7, 2013 Bye
10 Nov 16, 2013 (6) Oregon v Utah W 44-21
11 Nov 23, 2013 Bye
12 Nov 29, 2013 (12) Oregon v Oregon State W 36-35
13 Dec 30, 2013 (10) Oregon @ Texas W 30-7
Perfect. Just like we expected. Go Ducks of All Sizes, Shapes, Creeds, Colors, and Nations of Origin.
Top image by Pixabay.com