Boys and girls, fall camp has begun in the world of college football. This starts the official countdown until footballs are kicked off of tees and soccer is kicked back to Telemundo.
We are here to bring you predictions for the upcoming season that you can take to the bank. Amaze friends and co-workers alike with this inside information. Be the go-to guy in your circle of friends. Trust me. You heard it here first. This is how the upcoming season will transpire.
1. Florida State Seminoles: It doesn’t take a soothsayer to know what is going to happen in Tallahassee. Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston is going to go on a crime spree. First it was crab legs. Next it will be lobster. Finally Winston will go after something really big in the world of seafood.
He will be left in disgrace. FSU’s National Championship will be stripped from them and ESPN will declare the entire SEC to be champions in perpetuity.
2. USC: It will start with something little. Maybe there will be graffiti on the walls of Heritage Hall. Perhaps the team bus will suffer a series of mechanical failures. Then the problems will ramp up a bit. Jerseys will be found in tatters on the floor at halftime of the opener. For a while no one will have any idea what is going on or who is responsible. Then the culprit will be brought to justice.
3. Ohio State: theohiostateuniversity.wtf will come under scrutiny when the NCAA decides to crack down on unctuous bast***s.
4. University of Florida: The city of Gainesville and the entirety of Gator Nation will rejoice when it is discovered that Tim Tebow has 14 years of eligibility remaining. When asked how this could be possible, the erstwhile NFL place kick holder pointed to the sky … and levitated forthwith.
5. Purdue: “Now what has poor Purdue done?” you may ask. To which I answer, “I don’t make the news. I just report it.” The West Lafayette, Indiana, chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving marched on the campus of Purdue University this week. MADD demanded that the school end it’s mascot association with alcohol
And instead align itself with something more befitting the football team …
That’s all for this week. One of my students is here for his weekly lesson in prediction and prognostication.
Top photo by www.explain2012.com
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- Basketball Writer: Do you know the game and love to think about the upcoming season for our beloved Ducks? Write about them! It's fun doing homework on a winner!
- Assistant Football Analyst: Love college football and enjoy watching it for hours? We need associates to view games and find the techniques/teaching points we identify for them in advance. You will be recognized in publications, and could have the opportunity to move to full Analyst.
- College Football Analyst: We are looking for Coaches, or retired coaches to help create analysis videos (we do the video part) that will be viewed by thousands, and will help young football players as well as fans understand the game much better. The national recognition will help your resume' as well as make an impact upon the game we all dearly love.
- Video Specialist: We are looking for help in the Eugene/Springfield area to assist with the shooting and editing of analysis videos.
- All Positions: Send a resume' with full contact information and any writing samples you have to email@example.com Again, these are volunteer positions donating five hours a week each.