Overheard at the Heisman Award Ceremony

Heisman-Trophy

Congratulations to Marcus Mariota! He’s the first Heisman winner from the state of Oregon in the Era of Competition. (Jerry Stovall finished second to OSU’s Terry Baker in 1962. Stovall rushed for 368 yards … all season.) FishDuck.com would like to offer our sincere congratulations. Mr. Mariota, sir, if there is anything we can do for you, anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask.

We will:

Get you a cup of coffee.

Rub your back when it hurts.

Let you drive our car when yours is in the shop.

Super glue our daughters to you.

From left: My daughter and Marcus Mariota on an unseasonably cold Eugene day.

e-rastrillo.blogspot.com

From left to right: My daughter and Marcus Mariota on an unseasonably cold Eugene day.

The Heisman ceremony itself was a tiny bit anticlimactic. The only question was what lunatic might not name Mariota first on his ballot. Since the Heisman is decided by a secret ballot, FishDuck.com would have no way of knowing what dill weed would not choose to put Mariota Number One.

For no good reason I decided to randomly place a picture of Desmond Howard right here.

en.wikipedia.org

For no good reason, I decided to randomly place a picture of Desmond Howard right here.

But the real story in New York City was the conversations held at the Best Buy Theater. FishDuck.com, in cooperation with Magnolia Hi-Fi, planted microphones throughout the rooms. Since this was the first year remote audio was available for all former winners,we were able to listen in to what people were saying. Here are a few samples:

Felix “Doc” Blanchard, 1945 Heisman:

Psst, Glenn...Glenn...GLENN DAVIS. Am I Mr. Inside or Mr. Outside?

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Psst, Glenn … Glenn … GLENN DAVIS! Am I Mr. Inside or are you? I always forget.

Glenn Davis, 1946 Heisman:

I've told you a million times. You're inside, I'm outside. Quick, look at me and see if you can tell I'm wearing lip gloss.

en.wikimedia.org

I’ve told you a million times. You’re inside, I’m outside. Quick, look at me and see if you can tell I’m wearing lip gloss.

Johnny Lujack, 1947 Heisman:

I'm 88 years old and could play better against the Bengals than Short Stuff.

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I’m 88 years old and can play better against the Bengals than Johnny Nerf Ball.

Alan Ameche, 1954 Heisman:

No...Alan. Alan Ameche. Played for the Colts...Greatest game ever pl...No, ALAN. NOT DON AMECHE YOU A**HOLE. ALAN!

en.wikimedia.org

No … Alan. Alan Ameche. I played for the Colts … Greatest game ever pl- … No, ALAN. NOT DON AMECHE YOU A**HOLE! ALAN!

Paul Hornung, 1956 Heisman:

anyone know the point spread on Dallas/Philly? Who do you want? I'll take the other side? Wanna shoot some craps?

en.wikimedia.org

Anyone know the point spread on Dallas/Philly? Who do you want? I’ll take the other side? Wanna shoot some craps?

Archie Griffin, 1974-75 Heisman:

Dear Lord, I will serve you forever if you keep anyone from looking at my stats from 1975.

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Dear Lord, I will serve you forever if you keep anyone from looking at my stats from 1975.

Doug Flutie, 1984 Heisman:

I swear the next time some joker says, "That trophy's almost as tall as you" I'm going to LOSE IT!

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I swear the next time some joker says “that trophy’s almost as tall as you” I’m going to LOSE IT!

Ty Detmer, 1990 Heisman:

If Marcus Woods is here, I'm gone.

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If Marcus Woods is here, I’m gone.

Chris Weinke, 2000 Heisman:

"I'm older than Doc Blanchard"

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“I’m older than Doc Blanchard.”

Reggie Bush, 2005 Heisman (returned due to cheating beyond even what ‘SC will tolerate):

I lost the Heisman but I still made sweet love to Kim Kardashian. Anyone else here do that? WELL HAVE YA'?

I lost the Heisman, but I still made sweet love to Kim Kardashian. Anyone else here do that? WELL HAVE YA?

Robert Griffin III, 2011 Heisman:

"I may not be much as a pro, but I'll bet the Washington Huskies still remember me

en.wikimedia.org

“I may not be much as a pro, but I’ll bet the Washington Huskies still remember me.”

Johnny “Football” Manziel, 2012 Heisman:

"It appears I have exactly this much talent as a pro."

en.wikimedia.org

“It appears I have exactly this much talent as a pro.”

Jameis Winston, 2013 Heisman:

See it was like this. I picked up crab legs in seafood, and milk in dairy. Then I forgot...you're not buying a word of this are you? Don't apply for a job in the Tallahassee D.A.'s office.

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Just remember, Jameis. Forrest Gump made it through these things. You are no dumber than Forrest, no sir.

Go Ducks of all race, creed, color, gender identity, and political and religious persuasion. We are all one in the spirit of being Ducks!

Top photo by operationsports.com

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Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA. He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as "TacomaDuck."

  • MAITAIDUCK

    Hilarious also you forgot to put Andre Ware on there as in He also said the unthinkable as in Cooper would win the Heisman and he’s a QB that lets be honest he was clearly jealous because he knows Marcus will more than likely go on and have a pretty good NFL Career and people shouldn’t be fooled into thinking this CAT cannot play in any offense! Desmond Howard and this is whats wrong with ESPON in the 1st place!

    • Kim

      The only people who hate the Ducks are Huskies, Beavers, and folks who deep down believe they may get boat-raced. The Seminoles won their first National Championship in 1993. That was 17 years after Bobby Bowden came to Tallahassee. They have been nationally relevant for about 15 minutes longer than have the Ducks and they talk like Amos Alonzo Stagg. Oh, and they have to defend Jameis Winston and it makes them cranky. That’s why, MAITAI. Thanks for reading, and Go Ducks, my friend.

      • We all hate you

        Ki9m, after being voted the most hated fanbase in the pas10-12 for years, this year you guys were “honored” with a #4 NATIONAL ranking for being the most hated. and its not because of winning football games. its because your fans as 888hats. And I noticed to saw fit to print ‘their 1st NC’ good job. Did you know that the last time FSU had a losing season was 40 years ago. yep, 1976. Oregon? 2004. clustered around a bunch 0f 6-5, 7-6 banner seasons. relevant for 15 minutes longer/ C’mon Kim, have you drank the Grello Kool Aid too?

        • Kim

          I appreciate the “9” in the middle of my name. You must have seen me in the shower. We were “voted” most hated because we have not one but two major rivals. Oregon State just got the internet so they like to stuff the ballot box of inane non-scientific “polls.” They’re adorable. They spell them “poles.” Washington doesn’t like us because they thought they were hot stuff until 12 years ago when we started blowing their doors off.

      • FishDuck

        Grasshopper here: You are the master of picture captions….I don’t know which I liked better–Johnny Manziel or the Doug Flutie. Great stuff.

  • MAITAIDUCK

    I have a good question for you Kim, here it goes why are there so many people that HATE the Duck’s?

    • We all hate you

      T0 ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, PEOPLE DON’T HATE THE DUCKS, BUT everybody HATES THIER FANS. Very obnoxious entitled, ‘we are better then you so anything you have to say is stupid’ this has been going on for about 6-7 years. Oregon has a great team, but a fan base that is hated across the country for their arrogance, Semino;e fans who come to e Duck to banter about the game are unwelcome, called names, and such by these so called fans. Hope this helps