Breaking News! FishDuck Discovers Unsavory Facts About Ohio

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive

Ladies and gentlemen, the facts, simply stated, are these: If the Ducks win the National Championship Game next week I can …

Having been a Duck fan since the late 70’s …

That's a thousand yard stare, my friend. and we aren't talking passing yards.

That’s a 1,000-yard stare, my friend. And we aren’t talking passing yards.

… and living among mangy Huskies since 1991 …

I looked for a picture of Washington beating us at something to illustrate how hard it is to live here. But no such pictures exist. Here is a pretty rose to look at.

I looked for a picture of Washington beating us at something to illustrate how hard it is to live here. But no such pictures exist. Here is a picture of a pretty rose to remind you of the BUTT-WHIPPING we gave Florida State!

… by golly, I deserve a national championship! But it isn’t enough that I deserve a Natty and that you do as well. FishDuck.com spared no expense to prove that not only do we deserve to win, but also that Ohio most certainly DOES NOT!

1. The first ambulance service was established in Cincinnati. It was immediately dispatched to the Gator Bowl to pick up poor Charlie Bauman.

2. Seven U.S. presidents were born in Ohio: Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William H. Taft and Warren G. Harding.

Let’s see. A drunk, a slob, a lout, a glutton, a guy who attacked the Philippines for no good reason, another glutton and the author of the Teapot Dome Scandal. Why don’t you people from Ohio just forfeit right now? This is getting embarrassing.

Yes, Sweetie. You're from Ohio...and in my prayers because of it.

Yes, Sweetie. You’re from Ohio … and in my prayers because of it.

3. Akron is the rubber capital of the world. 

Way to be, Akron! What would we do without this kind of humor?

Way to be, Akron! What would we do without this kind of humor?

4. Ohio’s state flag is a pennant design. Probably a good idea. As the home of the Indians and Reds it will be a long time before Ohioans see any other kind of pennant.

Cleveland Indians logo and letter grade.

Cleveland Indians logo and letter grade.

5. Charles Goodyear of Akron developed the process of vulcanizing rubber in 1839. So Chucklehead Goodyear is to blame for this.

Live long and prepare to get rolled by the Ducks!

Live long and prepare to get rolled by the Ducks!

But the biggest reason we deserve to win the National Championship Game on Monday and Ohio State doesn’t …

Because a coaching legend and all around sage philosopher, friend to the down-trodden, philanthropist and just this far short of a saint would have it be so.

Because a coaching legend and all-around sage, philosopher, friend to the down-trodden, philanthropist and just this far short of a saint would have it be so.

 Go Ducks! And I mean that!

Top photo by www.public-domain-image.com

New 2024 FishDuck Publishing Schedule….

During the off-season the FishDuck.com publishing schedule will consist of articles on Mondays and Tuesdays. Do keep checking as new articles could be published during the week when a writer has something to say.

In mid-August of 2024, we will go back to the seven-days-a-week of articles during the football season as we did in the football season of 2023.

The Our Beloved Ducks Forum (OBD) is where we we discuss the article above and many more topics, as it is so much easier in a message board format over there.  At the free OBD forum we will be posting Oregon Sports article links, the daily Press Releases from the Athletic Department and the news coming out every day.

Our 33 rules at the free OBD Forum can be summarized to this: 1) be polite and respectful, 2) do not tell anyone what to think, feel or write, and 3) no reference of any kind to politics. Easy-peasy!

OBD Forum members….we got your back.  No Trolls Allowed!