*Disclaimer. This column, like all of my columns, is made in jest. (Except the stuff about the Beavers and Huskies. I mean all of that.) In this week’s installment, I suggest engaging in some activities that would KILL YOU DEAD if you actually did them. Please don’t!*
Super Bowl XLIX will be played tomorrow. That’s a good thing, because it means Super Bowl XLIX will be over tomorrow.
Truth told, Super Bowl XLIX is the first Super Bowl in a long time that I wish both teams could lose. Marshawn Lynch is a petulant jerk, Tom Brady probably ordered an equipment manager to flatten his balls, and Seattle fans have become what Husky fans used to be. But that was prior to UW merging with a jeans manufacturer and giving up football.
But FishDuck.com, your go-to for all things sports, knows our responsibility to you. We know many of you have given up your jobs so you don’t miss anything from Alex Kirby or Omar Garibay.
We know in what high esteem you hold Charles Fischer.
So we are putting aside our disdain for the Pats and Hawks. After all, the Super Bowl is more than about which of the NFL’s two biggest cheaters gets to take home the big prize. The Super Bowl is also about:
The 2015 FishDuck.com Super Bowl Drinking Game:
1. A Shot of Tequila When Someone Says “The Legion of Boom.” Pretty soon you won’t notice the LOB is holding on every play.
2. Cannonball a Black IPA When an Oregon Player is Shown on the Screen. This should get you wasted pretty quickly. Oregon has more starters in Super Bowl XLIX than any other school. As it should be.
3. A Jack and Coke When Someone Calls Russell Wilson “Cerebral.”
4. In honor of legalization in just a few months … Fire Up a Big Ole’ Fatty When LaGarrette Blount Runs for Any Amount of Yards Divisible into 420.
5. If Seattle Wins, Have a Fruity Drink Because Tom Brady Still Gets to Go Home to:
6. If New England Wins, Have a Screwdriver:
Go Ducks of all gender as they prepare to embark on a season of balls, both soft and hard.
Top photo by www.youtube.com