FishDuck’s 2nd Annual Letter to Graduates of the University of Oregon

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Governor Kate Brown, President Scott (don’t call me John) Coltrane, incoming FIFA President Hope Solo, parents and family of the 2015 graduates of the University of Oregon, and graduates one and all. My name is Kim Hastings and it is my distinct honor (on behalf of FishDuck.com/wepaidhandsomelyforthispimpspot) to be invited to speak to you on this august June (?) day.

How can it be august in June? I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

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How can it be August in June? I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Graduates, your friends, and family will congratulate you today. They will say, “You did it.” Rightfully so. This is the culmination of years of hard work, much study and likely enough student loans to keep you in debt until your children go to college.

God Bless America.

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God Bless America.

But, in spite of the honor today, you may have a nagging doubt inside. Are you ready to step into the world of full-on adulthood? Are you, really and truly, (gulp) grown up?

Magic 8 Ball says, "Not likely."

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Magic 8 Ball says, “Not likely.”

But, graduates, I am here to say it’s okay. Many of us here today had moments of regression long after we graduated from college. Allow me to tell a short personal story, if I might. I graduated from college in 1984. Eight years later I embarked on my literary career by writing a song, to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” It was about Washington Husky quarterback Billy Joe Hobert.

Glory, glory Billy Jo-oe. Had a wife and then a ho-oe. He’s too unaware to kno-ow, he’ll be a lou-sy pro.”

Probably not the most grown-up thing I've ever done, but you have to know what the Huskies were to the Ducks in 1992.

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Probably not the most grown-up thing I’ve ever done, but you have to know what the Huskies were to the Ducks in 1992.

So you will do some grown-up things. You’ll also do some things not so adult. It’s okay. At least you didn’t grow up rooting for Bill “Earthquake” Enyart of Oregon State when they played the Ducks.

Yes, and that would pretty much be the working definition.

redeeminggod.com

Yes, and that would pretty much be the working definition.

But before I go, allow me to offer just a few words of advice as you set out on life’s crooked highway.

Good to see that job training program up in Pullman is going so well.

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Good to see that job training program up in Pullman is going so well.

First, remember the people who got you here today. Your parents, teachers, coaches, clergy and mentors. All are a part of the great cloud of witnesses who are proud of what you have accomplished so far. They root for your continued success …

And will probably put you up in the basement for a few nights when you see the job market out there.

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… and will probably put you up in the basement for a few nights when you see the job market out there.

But most of all, years from now, when you are on the way from Whole Foods to your luxury Beemer in the parking lot …

As an Oregon grad this is your ultimate destiny.

As an Oregon grad, this is your ultimate destiny.

… give a few bucks to the down on his luck fella’.

It's probably Bill "Earthquake" Enyart himself.

en.wikimedia.org

It’s probably Bill “Earthquake” Enyart himself.

Congratulations to the graduates of the University of Oregon. Once a Duck, always a Duck. We’ll be calling for alumni donations in just a couple of weeks.

Top photo by flickr.com

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 Volunteer Position Openings:

--Media Management/Supervisor:  We are looking for someone beyond college age who can help manage students and mentor in a number of different departments. Expertise is not required as organizational skills and interest in guiding others.   --Assistant Football Analyst: Love college football and enjoy watching it for hours? We need associates to view games and find the techniques/teaching points we identify for them in advance.  You will be recognized in publications, and could have the opportunity to move to full Analyst.   --College Football Analyst: We are looking for Coaches, or retired coaches to help create analysis videos (we do the video part) that will be viewed by thousands, and will help young football players as well as fans understand the game much better. The national recognition will help your resume' as well as make an impact upon the game we all dearly love.   --Video Specialist: We are looking for help in the Eugene/Springfield area to assist with the shooting and editing of analysis videos.   All Positions: Send a resume' with full contact information and any writing samples you have to charles@fishduck.com  Again, these are volunteer positions donating five hours a week each.

Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA. He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as "TacomaDuck."