FishDuck’s 2nd Annual Letter to Graduates of the University of Oregon

Governor Kate Brown, President Scott (don’t call me John) Coltrane, incoming FIFA President Hope Solo, parents and family of the 2015 graduates of the University of Oregon, and graduates one and all. My name is Kim Hastings and it is my distinct honor (on behalf of FishDuck.com/wepaidhandsomelyforthispimpspot) to be invited to speak to you on this august June (?) day.

How can it be august in June? I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

yoovite.com

How can it be August in June? I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Graduates, your friends, and family will congratulate you today. They will say, “You did it.” Rightfully so. This is the culmination of years of hard work, much study and likely enough student loans to keep you in debt until your children go to college.

God Bless America.

pixabay.com

God Bless America.

But, in spite of the honor today, you may have a nagging doubt inside. Are you ready to step into the world of full-on adulthood? Are you, really and truly, (gulp) grown up?

Magic 8 Ball says, "Not likely."

Commons.wikimedia.org

Magic 8 Ball says, “Not likely.”

But, graduates, I am here to say it’s okay. Many of us here today had moments of regression long after we graduated from college. Allow me to tell a short personal story, if I might. I graduated from college in 1984. Eight years later I embarked on my literary career by writing a song, to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” It was about Washington Husky quarterback Billy Joe Hobert.

Glory, glory Billy Jo-oe. Had a wife and then a ho-oe. He’s too unaware to kno-ow, he’ll be a lou-sy pro.”

Probably not the most grown-up thing I've ever done, but you have to know what the Huskies were to the Ducks in 1992.

pixabay.com

Probably not the most grown-up thing I’ve ever done, but you have to know what the Huskies were to the Ducks in 1992.

So you will do some grown-up things. You’ll also do some things not so adult. It’s okay. At least you didn’t grow up rooting for Bill “Earthquake” Enyart of Oregon State when they played the Ducks.

Yes, and that would pretty much be the working definition.

redeeminggod.com

Yes, and that would pretty much be the working definition.

But before I go, allow me to offer just a few words of advice as you set out on life’s crooked highway.

Good to see that job training program up in Pullman is going so well.

commons.wikimedia.org

Good to see that job training program up in Pullman is going so well.

First, remember the people who got you here today. Your parents, teachers, coaches, clergy and mentors. All are a part of the great cloud of witnesses who are proud of what you have accomplished so far. They root for your continued success …

And will probably put you up in the basement for a few nights when you see the job market out there.

news.nationalpost.com

… and will probably put you up in the basement for a few nights when you see the job market out there.

But most of all, years from now, when you are on the way from Whole Foods to your luxury Beemer in the parking lot …

As an Oregon grad this is your ultimate destiny.

As an Oregon grad, this is your ultimate destiny.

… give a few bucks to the down on his luck fella’.

It's probably Bill "Earthquake" Enyart himself.

en.wikimedia.org

It’s probably Bill “Earthquake” Enyart himself.

Congratulations to the graduates of the University of Oregon. Once a Duck, always a Duck. We’ll be calling for alumni donations in just a couple of weeks.

Top photo by flickr.com

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