Roger Goodell’s Secret Draft Day Tweets

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive

It has to get tiresome for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He steps to the microphone to announce draft picks and gets booed. Sure he handled the Adrian Peterson case with all the finesse of a jackhammer going through creme brulee. Sure he waffled so many times during the Ray Rice case that the 2015 NFL season is sponsored by Bisquick. You bet he handled BountyGate with all the alacrity of a nose tackle mud wrestling in Pennzoil. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Does it?

{{{ it does }}}

(It does.)

 

The whole thing makes one wonder how he keeps his spirits up. Now we know. In a FishDuck.com exclusive, we have found a transcript of Commissioner Goodell’s private tweets. Not for public consumption these are the thoughts he sends to only his closest friends and confidantes.

With the first selection of the NFL Draft, Tampa Bay selects Jameis Winston, quarterback Florida State:

*Morons. There isn’t a crab on the Gulf Coast sleeping well tonight.* #coolpirateshipthobro

I'm outta here."

“I’m outta here.”

With the second selection in the 2015 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans select Marcus Mariota, quarterback Oregon:

*I wonder what Jake Locker is going to do now that he’s out of the NFL?* #plentyoftimetodeepkissMom

Mmmm, so nice.

Good Lord!

With the fourth selection of the NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select Amari Cooper, wide receiver Alabama:

*Just what the Raiders needed! #Oaklandwherecareersgotodie

Nice crowd, Raiders.

Excellent crowd, Raiders.

With the 11th selection of the 2015 NFL Draft, the Minnesota Vikings select Trae Waynes, defensive back Michigan State:

Was that a tattoo on Trae Wayne’s face? #devonallenscleatmarks

Not a problem, Trae. The NFL doesn't have any fast receivers. Don't worry.

Not a problem, Trae. The NFL doesn’t have any fast receivers. Don’t worry.

With the 12th selection in the 2015 NFL Draft, Cleveland selects Danny Shelton, defensive lineman Washington:

Shelton should be good. God knows Cleveland needs a winner. Last year they drafted a wiener. #Johnnyfoosball

Cleveland's fever dream.

Cleveland’s fever dream.

With the 16th selection of the 2015 NFL Draft, Houston selects Kevin Johnson, defensive back Wake Forest:

I’m confused. Is this the Phoenix Suns guard?

...or the mayor of Sacramento

… Or  is it the mayor of Sacramento? #Ithinkimshiffayshiffy…drunk

With the 25th selection of the 2015 NFL Draft, Carolina selects Shaq Thompson, linebacker Washington:

I wonder who makes more, Shaq in the pros or Newton in college? #praisejesusfortheunexpectedbountytocecilnewtonschurch

Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven Don't you know each cloud contains pennies from heaven?

Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven.
Didn’t you know each cloud contains pennies from heaven?

FishDuck.com congratulates all of the Ducks drafted into the NFL. We know about Marcus to the Titans and Arik to the 49ers. Our insanely — um, perfectly reasonable deadline prohibits knowledge of who was taken in Round Two. But go Ducks, college, and pro!

Top photo by flickr.com

New 2024 FishDuck Publishing Schedule….

During the off-season the FishDuck.com publishing schedule will consist of articles on Mondays and Tuesdays. Do keep checking as new articles could be published during the week when a writer has something to say.

In mid-August of 2024, we will go back to the seven-days-a-week of articles during the football season as we did in the football season of 2023.

The Our Beloved Ducks Forum (OBD) is where we we discuss the article above and many more topics, as it is so much easier in a message board format over there.  At the free OBD forum we will be posting Oregon Sports article links, the daily Press Releases from the Athletic Department and the news coming out every day.

Our 33 rules at the free OBD Forum can be summarized to this: 1) be polite and respectful, 2) do not tell anyone what to think, feel or write, and 3) no reference of any kind to politics. Easy-peasy!

OBD Forum members….we got your back.  No Trolls Allowed!