Ducks Down the Dogs in Wacky CFB Weekend

Jon Joseph Editorials

(While the following is a fictional conversation between Troy Dye and his mother, it’s hard to imagine their real post-game phone call going much differently.)

“Mom! It’s Troy, Mom!”

“Are you and Travis Okay? No injuries?”

“We are both fine Mom, and smiling from ear to ear.”

“Did you win, Son?”

“Did we win? Heck yes! We beat those dirty dogs. Man, I wish you would watch our games … We were down 14 points in the second half, Mom, and we came back for the win — the first time an Oregon team has done this since 2008.”

“You know I can’t watch; I’m afraid I’ll see you boys get hurt. Now Troy, don’t you lie to your Momma! You certain you and Travis are Okay?”

“It’s all good. I broke my thumb in the first quarter, but the Doc did a great job with the cast. It wasn’t his fault that the darn thing cracked and my elbow got slashed.”

Troy Dye was a warrior on Saturday.

“How in the blazes did the cast get busted with you in the locker room because of a broken thumb?”

“Locker room? This is the dirty dogs, Mom. There’s no way I’m leaving the game.”

“And you ask why I don’t watch? My goodness gracious. You best take care of yourself or I’ll be on the next plane to Eugene.”

“It’s okay, Mom, we got Washington State at home this week and then we have a weekend off.”

“Washington State? That’s that Pirate fella, right? I don’t like that man. He’s mean to his boys. You stick to those receivers like a leach, and if they run, make them wish they were somewhere else with a bottle of rum! Also, are you and Travis still planning to be away from home on New Year’s Day?”

“Momma, we’ll be playing in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena.”

Travis Dye helped wear down a vicious Husky defense.

“Hmmm. Rose Bowl? Pasadena? You better get me a ticket, that’s a game I’m not going to miss.”

Bring Your Own Ducks Guts! What a great, hard-fought win. Oregon’s up to No. 11 in this week’s AP. If the Ducks win out, and Auburn and Utah keep on keepin’ on, there may even be a seat at the Playoff table. By the way, Coach Pete hiding in the end zone is so yesterday. You’re not in Boise anymore.

Week 8 in 300 Words or Less

Sooner Schooner Sinks — No one Hurts except for a guy packin’ a musket and wearing a coon skin cap. Davy, is that you?

It’s a new Day, and Brutus says, “No’ Western, we ain’t choking on the road this season!” Note Fromm tOSU fans to UGA: “You need to Fields a better QB!”

It’s an ILL wind that blows no good and changed Champaign into Champagne while putting a big smile on Coach Santa Claus’ face. But that noise you heard was FOX executives face planting as the B1G “Game of the Year” was blown away.

Illinois beat Wisky in the upset of the year.

There’s a Moon over Starkville — Well, a half moon anyway, as LSU QB Joe Burrow was half-pantsed on his way to breaking the LSU record for TD throws.

Tua Good to Be True? Tua’s tissue paper ankle twisted again, casting doubt on whether the LSU visit to Tuscaloosa on November 9th will be the game of the season. Regardless, I don’t see a 9-6 final score this time around.

A short and straight road leads Clemson to the Final Four? BC, Wofford (is that the same as a Widget?), at NC State, Wake Forest, at USC East … Come on, Man!

It’s Wacky in Waco — In the home of Dr. Pepper (I hope that kid who has his breath tested by his Mom was eating onions and garlic), Baylor (7-0) Ruhle’s.

Minny — at 7-0 –  is rowing the boat and no longer playing like a mouse.

Uncle Chip (Doesn’t) Lose Again — The Shaw hits the fan as the Bruins ROC (return on coaching hire) soars to just under 3%.

UCLA stomped Stanford.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Governor Puddles proclaims that this Saturday, a Pirate, having escaped for four long years, will most certainly be hanged on the Autzen yardarm.

This Week’s Eight-Team Playoff

Oregon (Pac-12 Champion) at Alabama (SEC Champion)

Oklahoma (Big 12 Champion) at Clemson (ACC Champion)

Penn State (At Large) at LSU (At Large)

Florida (At Large) at Ohio State (B1G Champion)

These matchups were slightly re-arranged to prevent first-round conference-versus-conference matchups, but with five SEC teams in the AP top 10, what can you do?

Well, Duck fans. It’s time to board the Pirate Ship and come away with treasure this time. Let’s not have a Husky Hangover, and make Leach & Company walk the plank Saturday.

Jon Joseph
Georgetown, TexasTop Photo by Tom Corno


Chris Brouilette, the Volunteer editor for this article, is a current student at the University of Oregon  and is from Sterling, Illinois.

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