Mom Deserves More Than a Card, Bucko!

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive Leave a Comment

And if she doesn’t it’s probably our fault anyway.  You see, Moms all pretty much start out the same way, full of hopes and dreams for their little bundle of baby powder-smelling wonderfulness.  When we were born they counted our fingers and toes so many times you would think that they had forgotten how to count to ten.  They sang lullabies to help us sleep.

and put ginormous “1”s on our first birthday cake.

All of this lasted for the better part of 5 years.  Then we started school.  Shane Kelly taught us to swear, Dave Demant taught us to spit for distance, Ted Silanpaa taught us to chew and it was all downhill from there.  Almost overnight this…


Pretty soon we were terrors.  We were spending our lunch money pitching dimes behind the cafeteria, selling take-home social studies answers for $15.00 apiece (or maybe that was just me), and generally blowing to bits the image our moms had of us when we were born.

When we got older, Mom still held on to some hope.  She thought that maybe we would settle down and marry.

But finally gave up when we came home with…

Your Mom screamed in agony when she bore you and, except for the first few years, hasn’t stopped.  That’s why this weekend is so very crucial.  The gift that you choose can help make up for the misspent days of your youth.  The gift that you send to mom can make her forget the pack of Marlboros she found in your sock drawer and help her remember the picture you drew when you were four years old.


Maybe your mom is the traditional type.  She just wants to know that all of the hard work meant something.  Slip a loaded Starbucks gift into this and she will smile.

Maybe your Mom needs a little…help forgetting all of the bad things that you did.  If you were anything like me, she might need five helps.

How much should you buy?  You’ll know you bought enough when she says

Of course, there is always the chance that you never gave your mom a hint of worry.  If that’s the case she probably raised you to be a Duck through and through.  She told you tales of Van Brocklin and Fouts before sending you to bed.  You went to bed when you were supposed to go to bed, you brushed your teeth when you were supposed to brush your teeth, and became the transcendent success story that she thought you were going to be when she rocked you to sleep so long ago.

In that case you might want to think of some gifts that reflect the passion for Oregon sports that you and your mom share.  She was the driving influence that made you who you are today, and deserves the best of the best on her day.

This elegant timepiece says, “My Mom deserves the best” as well as answering the question that she will ask this fall, “What time is kickoff for the annual Husky thrashing?”

Maybe that’s not quite over the top enough.  Remember, she changed your nasty diaper.  She might deserve something a little shinier.  Something more befitting  the one bad mama that she is.

Not enough you say?  Your mom was the gold standard for mom’s everywhere, and you’ve got the scratch to make it happen?  Say hello to Mother’s Day gift 2012.

You can be the first kid on the block whose mom has her own flight attendants.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the Mom’s who read what we at FishDuck have to say.  We have a lot of fun here, but whether you be Duck or something not quite so cool, we wish you the happiest of Mother’s Days and the finest that your world has to offer.

Here is something from us at FishDuck.  We had some extras laying around from January.

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