Quarterback Controversies Through the Ages

For the first time in several years there is doubt in the air.  Bryan Bennett and Marcus Mariota enter the last two weeks of summer camp, each with an opportunity to lead the Mighty Green on to the field for the first snap of Game one of the 2012-2013 campaign.

As predicted two weeks ago on this very page, a bit of polite disagreement is spreading among the folks who support one of the two over the other.

“It’s going to be MM.  No question about it.”

“Why don’t you blow it out your %^$&#$%^ gas hole, you arrogant no-nothing pr*!# heel?”

Duck Fan Engaged in Polite Discourse Re: Quarterback Selection

Actually, the quarterback competition/controversy is one of the really interesting things about football…or about life in general.

Case in point…

Tim Tebow v. Kyle Orton:
Let’s face it.  Other than the weekly controversy surrounding the kneeling signal caller, there was absolutely no reason to pay any attention to the Denver Broncos last year.  They had a solid defense and a non-descript offense, no matter who played. But when The Man from Buff showed up, it was game on.

Tim Tebow on his way to 7-11 for two more fish and another loaf


Peyton Manning v. Ryan Leaf:
This, of course, wasn’t an intra-team QB scuffle.  Indianapolis had the first pick of the draft.  The Chargers would pick second.  Everyone knew that these two prototypical “can’t-miss” prospects were going first and second overall, but who would go first?  The belief was that they may meet in the AFC Championship game for years to come.  Who would Indy pick?  The brains and precision of Manning or the physical specimen and rifle arm of Ryan Leaf?  The Colts chose Manning, an obvious first ballot hall of famer, and the Chargers got the consolation prize, which consisted of, well…


Gaius Julius Caesar v. Marcus Junius Brutus:  
Julius Caesar had been on a roll.  He had crossed the Rubicon, defeated the British 213,000-8, and established himself as the top quarterback in the league.  Some wondered if he was beginning to lose his touch, though.  He had lost his last outing, The Cleopatra Bowl, to young upstart Marc Antony.  The March 15, 44 B.C. game was where he would make his stand.  He faced Brutus, armed with his dictatorial authority, his version of the 12th Man (known as the Caesarian Section) and the power of his incredible oratory.  Brutus had a dagger.  Game over.

An unsuspecting Julius Caesar Watches Sportscenter


Abel v. Cain:
Abel played for the Packers in the first season of anything ever.  Cain was a Cornhusker. (Look it up, I’m not making this up!) Commissioner Yahweh was a Packer fan.  This ticked Cain off like you don’t even know.  So he killed Abel and was suspended by the commissioner for even longer than Sean Payton.

Cain was a 7 1/2 point favorite in the Vegas books


Whatever happens in the secret Chipelian practices, this reporter has been assured that neither Bennett nor Mariota are expected to kill the other.  One of the two will step on to the field against Arkansas State.  The other is expected to see significant time.  Oregon State will be struggling against Nicholas Nickleby College at the same time.

It’s all good.

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