Why Do I Hate the Huskies?

I hate them because, without the Don James cheating years, they never actually dominated anything.

I hate them because they knew they would win if they knocked our quarterbacks out of the game with cheap (and late, way late!) hits in the 80’s.

When Miller was upright we had a shot. Don James knew that…

I hate them because of the guy that chanted “It just doesn’t matter” when we took the lead in one game up there. And it didn’t. They won. Seriously, I hate that guy.

I hate them because of the “Motorboats to the game” crap.  Hot damn, you have a lake! To quote Christian Bale for a moment, “Oh, good FOR YOU!”, and he’s freakin’ Batman, so you better listen when he’s sarcastically talking to you in that gravelly scary Batman voice.

I hate them because of Mark Lee.

I hate them because Bruce Lee was a Husky, and I hate that I can’t hate him for that because of how awesome he was.

I hate them because of the guy that shoots a cap gun into a stuffed Duck after their first score in the third quarter.

I hate them because of duckfighter/Race Bannon.

Below this benign looking face beats a heart of darkness

I hate them because of Steve Pelluer.

I hate them because their fans said, “Long trip back to Eugene” to me after we lost.

I hate them because of Jim Lambright’s campaigning for the Cotton Bowl when we had beaten him by about 94 points head-to-head.

You will go to the Sun Bowl sir, and you will like it!

I hate them because I am a Child of God and they aren’t.

I hate them because the Bible says to hate evil and love good.

I hate them because Ted Bundy was a Husky, and he wasn’t very nice.

I hate them because of Billy Joe Hobert.

Sing with me: “Glory, glory Billy Joe. Had a wife and then a ho’.”

I hate them because regardless of whether we’re talking football or music, 1991 was 21 years ago…GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!

I hate them because they say it was all about the fruit baskets when it was really about a pandemic atmosphere of cheating and underhanded behavior that had been going on for decades under the sinister leadership and guidance of Don James.

Don James Being Brought Before the Pac-10 Bureau of Enforcement of Very Bad People Who Kick Dogs and Steal From Old Ladies and Stuff Like That

I hate them because they hired Richard Gerald Neuheisel Jr. as almost as a direct middle finger to Oregon after all the meany-pants things he did when he was at Colorado in the 1995 Cotton Bowl and 1998 Hawaii Bowl.

I hate them because of Richard Gerald Neuheisel Jr. telling his team to walk back out onto the Autzen turf and stomp the O in 2002 after the game.

I hate them because of Richard Gerald Neuheisel Jr.  I hate them soooo soooo soooo much because of Richard Gerald Neuheisel Jr.

A face that needs to be slapped

I hate them because their fans want me, personally, to be sad, this Saturday.

I hate them because of Mark Brunell.

I hate them because they smell like feet.

I hate them because they said, “Win a Rose Bowl and then pop off” when the Fiesta Bowl in 2002 was actually better than the Rose Bowl.  And they knew it.  But they still said it. Jagoffs.

I hate them because of Jerramy Stevens, Humanitarian of the Year Award Winner in Seattle.

Jerramy Stevens I’m sure picked up his Seattle Humanitarian Award once he finished serving his sentence

I hate them because Reggie Rogers came to Mac Court and wanted to fight Doug Judge during a basketball game.

I hate them for bringing up records that are decades old and, even then, were probably tainted by cheating and general scumbaggery.

I hate them because my high school mascot was a Husky and Washington has ruined the very word for me forever.

Dead to Me

I hate them for the 1926 game, when a Husky player came off the bench to tackle Oregon’s Bobby Robinson at midfield as he was returning an interception for a would-be touchdown, doing his best Kenny Wheaton impression almost 68 years earlier to the day.

I hate them for 1948 when the Huskies voted for Cal to represent the conference in the Rose Bowl, then lobbied for Montana to vote the same way, just to keep Oregon out of the game even though their only loss all season had been at Michigan.

I hate them for 1962, when Washington fans stormed the field in Seattle on the last play of the game, tackling in the endzone Oregon’s receiver just as he was about to catch the game-winning touchdown, and the refs fearing for their lives gave the game to the Huskies…and you thought that what recently happened in Seattle to the Green Bay Packers was an outrage!?!

I hate them for 1996 when they again openly called for Cal to go to a bowl game over Oregon, even though Oregon had beaten Cal that year. What’s with the crush on the nerds in Berkeley, Huskies? Get over it, they clearly checked the NO box.

I hate them because of purple. What sort of guy wears purple anyway, except 1970’s street pimps, and whatever we’re calling this week that little squirmy purple rain-ey formerly artist named an indescribable-symbol person/thing.

I hate them because Jake Locker making out with his mom after a game is an image that is permanently seared into my retinas.

I asked my wife if she would kiss her adult son like this and she said, “That’s kind of sick.”

I hate them for hiring Justin Wilcox and Peter Sirmon to fix their defense this year, not only are they both Oregon legends but after the 2008/2009 Boise State and 2010 Tennessee game we’re really sick of having to see our own on opposing sidelines.

I hate them because I know that even as satisfying as it is to watch this rubbish fall down, unfortunately they’re clearing it away and rebuilding that cursed wretched structure in the same filthy location.

I hate them because they pompously claim to have invented “the wave.”

I hate them because they say they had the loudest crowd noise ever, when they know darn well Autzen Stadium is louder.

I hate them because when I say “Huck The Fuskies” they try to correct me on my spelling like a Grammar Nazi.

I hate them because what will soon be 9-in-a-row still isn’t quite double-digits.

I hate them.

 

Go Ducks! To win by 100 will be just a good start.

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