Factoids About Colorado Aside from Their Sorry Football Team

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 2 Comments


Who do we play next? Oregon? Well, hell!


Who do we play next? Oregon? Well, hell!

One game at a time, boys!  Supposedly Amos Alonzo Stagg was the first football coach to deliver that admonition to his team.  Stagg’s team never played the 2013 Colorado Buffaloes.  Oregon’s mantra of “Win the Day” was fulfilled on the very moment that Colorado joined the Pac-12 . . . and immediately bent over for the proctological exam to end all exams.

The point spreads for this game are 38.5 at Bally’s, 40 at Caesar’s Tahoe and “Are you f$%#@*g kidding me?” at The Flamingo Hilton.  Look, we at Fishduck Interstellar Marching and Chowder Society like to keep it real.  Colorado has a smaller chance of winning this game than General Custer had at Little Big Horn wearing skates and a tutu.

But that’s okay Buffaloes!  Football is more than just blocking, tackling and sucking the souls out of your fans in the student body on Saturday afternoons.  It’s about learning more of the culture and environment of the team who’s girlfriends are chasing our guys to the airport en masse  an hour after the game.

"Marcus!  DeAnthony!  Take me home to Eugene!  My team smells like feet!


“Marcus! De’Anthony! Take me home to Eugene! My team smells like feet!”

Factoid #1:  Colfax Avenue in Denver is the longest continuous street in America:  Good one, Denver.  Of course, it’s also the workplace of several hundred hookers on any given Saturday night.  But I have to give it up to Denver on one count.  6715 West Colfax is the address of Casa Bonita; famous for cliff divers, and an episode of South Park.  I must also make mention of the enchiladas made with Cheez Whiz!  Gee whiz.

Casa Bonita!  Casa Bonita!


Casa Bonita! Casa Bonita!

Factoid #2:  Dove Creek, Colorado, is known as the Pinto Bean Capital of the World:  Little wonder that much of the Rocky Mountain region’s supply of methane gas also comes from Dove Creek.

Dove Creek Mayor Jed Dodgerfan


Dove Creek Mayor Jed Dodgerfan

Factoid #3:  The State Motto of Colorado is “Nothing Without Providence”:  Legend has it that this motto was selected by a group of settlers homesick for Rhode Island.

Man I miss my fun size state


Man, I miss my fun-sized state.

Factoid #4:  A survey by the Centers for Disease Control found that Colorado had  more people who exercise than any other state:  True enough.  Colorado has a ton of folks that walk 10 miles a day!  If they keep that up for 130 days they’ll be in a town with a decent football team.

Welcome to Eugene!


Welcome to Eugene!

All in all, I’m glad that Colorado is on the schedule.  It’s a great and beautiful state in which to take a roady (and I mean that).  Also every team needs a bye before they play a real game.  Go Ducks! Batter the Buffs!



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