UCLA Brings Knowledgeable Fan Base — and Decidedly Average Team — to Autzen

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive

www.camping-bourgogone.com

Everything that I tell you folks is true.  Some things may be a little truer than others.  The conversation that I am about to share with you is, I swear, the gospel truth.  It was Monday morning about 8:45 am.  I was talking to a UCLA fan about the upcoming game.  He said,

“You guys wouldn’t be any good at all if you weren’t owned by Ted Knight.”

That's right smart fella'.  Judge Smalls (dead since 1996) "owns" the Ducks.

That’s right smart fella’.  Judge Smalls (dead since 1996) “owns” the Ducks.

This is what passes for witty and insightful conversation with these folks.  But they can’t be blamed.  Their head coach, the affable Jim Mora Jr.,  has been thrown out of more jobs than Peter Griffin.  Mora the Younger was head coach for the Atlanta Falcons when he told Softy Mahler that he would leave the Falcons in the middle of a playoff run if he got a chance to coach U-TeninaRow.  The Seahawks, because they have as little self-respect as anyone, hired Mora to be their head coach and “the future of the franchise.”  The future turned out to be one very forgettable year.  Now, Little Mora is at UCLA.  But for how long?  Obviously I don’t know for sure but I’m investing heavily in . . .

"Reservation for James More Jr.?  Yes, its me again."

“Reservation for James Mora Jr.?  Yes, its me again.”

Actually I have a lot of respect for UCLA.  Remember those Lew Alcindor and Bill Walton teams?  Remember that they were getting $1000 handshakes from Sam Gilbert before it was fashionable to do so?  Oh . . . you mean football.  Yeah, remember —

Karl Dorrell

How is it that I work in Hollywood and nobody knows me?

How is it that I work in Hollywood and nobody knows me?

UCLA will tell you that they have a sterling football tradition.  Of course, Duke will tell you the same thing and be lying just as much.  There are actually only two seasons in Westwood.  Beach and hoops.

Girl not running toward the Rose Bowl...just like the Bruins

Girl not running toward the Rose Bowl . . . just like the Bruins.

But that’s okay!  That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.  In Eugene, we play football.  It’s speed, power and precision.  At UCLA, they play the zither and contemplate the meaning of Zen.

Can you hear my lovely tune, Jimmy?  Where the hell is Jimmy?  Did he move away?

Can you hear my lovely tune, Jimmy?  Where the hell is Jimmy?  Did he move away?

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some interesting facts about UCLA, other than “fewer murders per semester than at ‘SC.”  There are.  Here are a couple:

1.  Head Coach Tommy Prothro Always Carried a Briefcase With Him on the Sidelines.  No One Knew What Was in It . . . Until Now.

Hello Tommy.  Where would you like to coach?

Hello Tommy. Where would you like to coach?

2.  UCLA is Known for it’s “Undie Run” When Underclassmen Run Around in their Skivvies During Finals Week

This is the part of the column where you write your own joke.

This is the part of the column where you write your own joke.

There are more interesting things about UCLA, but I think I’ll quit with his behind.  Go Ducks.  Maul the Mediocre.

New 2024 FishDuck Publishing Schedule….

During the off-season the FishDuck.com publishing schedule will consist of articles on Mondays and Tuesdays. Do keep checking as new articles could be published during the week when a writer has something to say.

In mid-August of 2024, we will go back to the seven-days-a-week of articles during the football season as we did in the football season of 2023.

The Our Beloved Ducks Forum (OBD) is where we we discuss the article above and many more topics, as it is so much easier in a message board format over there.  At the free OBD forum we will be posting Oregon Sports article links, the daily Press Releases from the Athletic Department and the news coming out every day.

Our 33 rules at the free OBD Forum can be summarized to this: 1) be polite and respectful, 2) do not tell anyone what to think, feel or write, and 3) no reference of any kind to politics. Easy-peasy!

OBD Forum members….we got your back.  No Trolls Allowed!