There Oughta be a Law . . . and in Utah There is One

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Good day friends.  On this, the week after the world ended, I would like to report that I, for one, handled losing to Stanford and living surrounded by Husky fans, very well.  My attorney believes we may even be able to plea down to simple assault.

One Husky fan that won't say, "Tough game against Stanford, huh?" again.

One Husky fan that won’t say, “Tough game against Stanford, huh?” again.

But carry on we must.  There’s another game this week, which means another chance to learn a few fun facts about a place very . . . different from our own.  First of all, a little historical background information is in order.  The State of Utah is the 11th largest in the United States, in terms of land mass.  Utah comes from the Paiute Indian word meaning, “Joe Pesci.”

Utah is known for being largely populated by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and for containing the Great Salt Lake.  These two facts coalesced in the mid-19th century when Brigham Young led followers on a settlement pilgrimage that was intended to end at the Pacific Ocean.  However, Young arrived at the shores of the Great Salt Lake and said, “Leave us hunker down here where the water has a palpable stench.”

Yea verily.

"Mr. Young, it's about that noxious lake..."

“Mr. Young, it’s about that noxious lake . . .”

The people of Utah are a hard-working and God-fearing people who are also known to be people of the law.  So much so that they have a few laws that are a bit out of the norm.  The following are actual laws still on the books in the great state of Utah:

1.  It is Considered a Misdemeanor Offense to Hunt Whales:  Since Utah is more than a thousand miles from the nearest ocean, infractions of this type are quite rare.

If you can see an ocean from here you have REALLY good eyes

If you can see an ocean from here, you have REALLY good eyes.

2.  It is a Felony to Tread on the Cracks Between Paving Stones on the Sidewalk.  This will ease the mind of your mother, who’s healthy back is in constant jeopardy from thoughtless offspring.

"Ground me when I was 12, did you Mom?"

“Ground me when I was 12, did you Mom?”

3.  In Logan, Utah, it is Unlawful for Women to Swear:  Good law.  Very enforceable . . . if this was 1883.

Not a Logan, Utah woman on the phone with the cable company

Felonious Logan, Utah, woman on her phone with the cable company.

4.  In Monroe, Utah, Daylight Must be Visible Between Partners on a Dance Floor:  Given that Utah has the largest number of children per household in the United States, this law is probably not being strictly enforced.

This year's "Spring Fling" in Monroe.

This year’s “Spring Fling” in Monroe.

5.  Finally, in the State of Utah it is Illegal to Create a Catastrophe:  I would suggest that Ute fans avert their eyes come Saturday.  There’s an angry flock of Ducks looking to catastrophe ALL OVER YOUR BUSINESS!  Likely it will make your menfolk cringe, and your womenfolk cuss.  Heaven help you.

Go Ducks!

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For Football Season: FishDuck Back to Seven Days a Week!

I had to shut down the daily articles on July 20th because I could no longer work the extra 3 to 12 hours per week of certain managerial/editorial duties. (beyond the usual ones with FishDuck)

I’ve had a blast writing without those duties, and now, due to a new agreement with the writers, I can announce that we will have articles seven days a week again. I wish to thank the writers publicly for their graciousness in coming to a solution, as now I still do not have do those extra duties with our agreement, and meanwhile the writers are back having fun creating articles as I am.

Everybody is happy! So below is the new schedule through football season:

Monday: Mr. FishDuck
Tuesday: Darren Perkins
Wednesday: Joshua WhittedMr. FishDuck
Thursday: Coach Eric BolesAlex Heining
Friday: David Marsh
Saturday: Mr. FishDuck (GameDay Baby!)
Sunday: Jordan Ingram

A couple of writers could not join us as they have new projects in their lives, and cannot write for anyone at the moment–but perhaps we will see them back later.

Things rarely work out so well for all parties in agreements, but this time it has and truly….everyone wins!

Our 33 rules at FishDuck can be summarized to this: 1) be polite and respectful, 2) keep it clean, and 3) no reference of any kind to politics. Easy-peasy!

FishDuck members….we got your back.  No Trolls Allowed!

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