Now that Fuzzy has scored the coveted Rose Bowl tickets, his thoughts turn to fun activities in La La Land. Since he’s taking Missus Fuzzy and their daughter, Rocky; he won’t be spending any time at his favorite LA dive bar, The Clown Room. Instead, he’s looking at theme parks.
Being a child at heart, Fuzzy loves theme parks and he can recommend three. If this is your first visit to Los Angeles, Disneyland is your natural choice. During the holidays, the Magic Kingdom’s lines will be long, the food will taste like cardboard and the Missus, who hates theme parks, will grumble for the entire afternoon — but for Rose Bowl novices, it’s a must-visit place. If you’re looking for something more laid back, check out Knott’s Berry Land. The crowds are thinner and the attractions are more old school. Rocky’s favorite, though, is Hollywood Universal Studios. She recommends the Studio Tour and the Tower of Terror, and as Fuzzy has learned the hard way, Rocky is never wrong. The trick for enjoying any theme park is to arrive early and if the park offers a fast pass system, use it to schedule the most crowded rides.
While walking through a theme park, you may meet other Duck fans. The standard greeting is Go Ducks, you can also use this to greet your opponents. Pac-12 teams’ greetings tend to be rather generic: Go Ducks, Go Beavs, and Huskies Suck. Down south, catch phrases are more original. They range from the cool, Alabama’s Roll Tide, to the schoolyard taunt of LSU’s Tiger Bait to the nonsensical as with the Auburn Tigers’ War Eagle. Fuzzy is still chewing on that one.
FSU’s phrase is the somewhat obnoxious, Fear the Spear, so Fuzzy proposes that the Seminoles honor their Heisman Trophy winner, Jameis Winston, with a new catch phrase. As you walk through Santa Monica and happen to pass a bunch of ‘Noles fans, greet them with a hearty cry of Crab Legs. A few Noles fans may be grumpier than Missus Fuzzy on Space Mountain; so if you get your fanny in a jam, Fuzzy recommends a call to his brother-in-law at Buster Cumquat’s Bail Bonds and Boat Anchor Repair. Buster is available 24/7 to help you get out of the Hardrock Hilton.
We hope this guide to theme parks has helped you plan your stay in Los Angeles. If that’s not enough, on Thursday we’ll take a gander at more activities to help you kill time until the big game.
Last, but certainly not least, Fuzzy would like to congratulate Oregon’s Heisman Trophy winner, Marcus Mariota, with a rousing cheer of Go Ducks.
Top Photo by GoDucks.com
Raised in the Central Oregon mill town of Prineville beneath deep blue skies and rim rock, I attended the University of Oregon and during my collegiate summers, I worked in a lumber mill and also fought range fires on the Oregon High Desert for the Bureau of Land Management. After graduating from college at the University of Oregon, I swung from being budding hippy to cop work. I’m still wondering about how that came about. I was a police officer with the Port of Portland and after leaving police work, I obtained an MFA degree in Creative Writing from Vermont College. I live in Portland, Oregon with my wife, my daughter and a spunky bichon frise named Pumpkin. I’ve had short stories publishing in two Main Street Press anthologies. Harkness is my first novel.
For Greybeards … the EYES Have it!
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This creates natural breaks between scads of sentences, and so many of us thank you for making it easier on our “Greybeard-age” eyes!