The perks of working for FishDuck.com are ridiculous. I’m writing this from my timeshare week in Aspen, and its less than a month after this Super Bowl party:
But there comes a time, every year, when we have to pay the piper for all of these perks. When tax season rolls around free-lance writers take it up the . . .
And it takes some pretty creative accounting to get past the tax man without having to lay off one of my housekeepers.
That’s why I decided to network with writers loosely connected to other university sports programs to see if they had any ideas for how to protect these assets:
Pam Sweet-Wilson, Writer for Buffalo Chips in Boulder: “Have you seen a Colorado Buffalo football game since Rick Neuheisel took his guitar West? Good grief! I deduct the cost of ESPN Gameplan as war crime reparations for the torture that I endure.”
Kellen Sillanpaa, Writer for the Berkeley Frown: ”Joe Kapp, Tom Holmoe, Jeff Tedford. What more do you need to know? I buy season tickets for Cal football, and throw them off the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s all I can do not to follow them into the water. As a Golden Bear fan I self-medicate, and deduct the cost on Schedule A of my 1040.”
Janice Hilstad, Writer for Dawggie Style and Couture in Seattle: ”Husky fans are perhaps the happiest people on the planet. That’s because we have completely lost touch with reality. Already in 2014 we have won our 7th consecutive off-season championship, hired a coach who passionately recruits Napoleon Dynamite’s home town and watched a once-proud basketball program go toe-to-toe with Guy Fieri’s Culinary School and Barber College. As far as taxes are concerned, I just don’t file. Insanity knows no tax code.”
Justin Beaver, Writer for the Corvallis Sheep Dip: ”Did you know that a man who was diagnosed with gender-identity disorder (he felt he was a woman trapped in a male body) wanted to deduct almost $22,000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses for hormone therapy and sexual-reassignment surgeries. The tax court decided his hormone therapy and the sex-change operation costs, in the amount of $14,500, was a qualified medical tax deduction. Oregon State fans are taking this landmark decision to its logical conclusion. It’s all been a big mistake. We’re all really Duck fans trapped in a Beaver nightmare.”
And I’m sure that Oregon fans everywhere will welcome them. Poor dears. Bless their hearts.
Top photo by manataka.org