Quantcast

Grief Counsel for Your Beaver

The 5 Stages Of Grief Denial Anger Bargaining Depression And Acceptance

Grief Counsel for Your Beaver

Kim Hastings
Reported by Kim Hastings on March 15, 2014
In ,
| 0 Comments

 

Grief Counsel for Your Beaver

With this week’s unceremonious ouster of Oregon State from the Pac-12 Basketball Tourney, the Ducks have once again plunged a knife into the soul of our friends from Corvallis.  I, for one, feel bad.  It must be hard to be a Beaver over the last, oh, 100 years.

Need some help with that rock, Sisyphus?  You got it?  Okay.

en.wikipedia.org

Need some help with that rock, Sisyphus? You got it? Okay.

Much is made of the fact that Oregon State’s Head Coach is the President’s brother-in-law.  One would think that such proximity to the Point Guard-in-Chief would have served OSU well in the gathering together of skillz.  Such has not been the case.

President Obama Recruiting two big men for Craig Robinson

flickr.com

President Obama Recruiting two Big Men for Craig Robinson

But everyone knows that the current state of the hoops union in Corvallis isn’t Craig Robinson’s fault.  No one since Slats Gill has been able to win there without treating the NCAA rule book like two-ply Charmin.

"All that payola and we still lose to Lamar.  I need a cigarette."

www.socialregister.co.uk

“All that payola and we still lose to Lamar. I need a cigarette.”

Not to mention, well, Corvallis.

Corvallis Real Estate Ad

en.wikipedia.org

Corvallis Real Estate Ad

You just can’t be a compassionate Ducks fan without feeling a little bad for an Oregon State fan.  That’s why I have decided to help.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in her groundbreaking work “On Death and Dying,” gives us a starting point.  There are five stages of grief.  The faster a Beavers fan gets through the stages, the better chance he has for a fulfilling future.  Let’s get started:

Denial (stage one):  ”Things really aren’t so bad in Corvallis.  The program is poised for really great things next year.  Just a few breaks . . . balls bounce our way . . .”

Stage One

flickr.com

Stage One

Anger (stage two):  ”AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE END OF THE CIVIL WAR FOOTBALL GAME.  WE HAD IT!  IT WAS OURS!”

Stage 2

en.wikipedia.org

Stage Two

Bargaining (stage three):  ”One time, Lord.  One time before I die.  Let me know what it feels like to be a Duck!  The style, the grace and, most of all, the winning!”

Stage Three

www.mybreakaway.com

Stage Three

Depression (stage four):  ”Where is Daddy’s medicine?”

Stage Four

en.wikipedia.org

Stage Four

Acceptance (stage five):  ”I’m a Beaver.  I was born a Beaver.  I’ll die a Beaver.  My uncle and my Mama got into the corn likker and I’m a Beaver.”

Stage Five

futurefocused.wordpress.com

Stage Five

So, tomorrow (Selection Sunday) when Ducks fans around the world are finding out where our team will be dancing in the month to come, remember the Beavers’ fan in your life.  He may be your brother-in-law.  He may be your cousin.  He’s likely the convenience store guy working the graveyard shift and making gas station coffee.  But whoever he is, be nice.  One screwed up chromosome and you might have been him.

Go Ducks!

Top photo by funeralparlours.com


Powered by

Announcements
  • The best Damn Opponent analysis on the web is coming out on Thursdays. Rory Davidson is a rising star at FishDuck.com as an analyst and you will always learn something new from him every week. Kim Hastings is our legendary humor writer who will be lampooning our opponent each week on Thursdays as well. So we will honor our opponent with Rory's respectful analysis...and then Kim will punch with glee and the opposing fans will have laugh at themselves. (or get indignant) What fun! Learning football and hooting at the opposition on Thursdays!
  • Want to help mentor and teach students at FishDuck.com? Be an ADVISOR to a department! We want people who are a little older to counsel associates and keep them on track. Knowledge of a dept. is not necessary and if you were in Eugene? All the better although other locations can work. If you can spare 3-5 hours a week, and enjoy working with students and like keeping things organized…then contact me charles@fishduck.com
  • Get experience in Media Management? Be a Managing Editor at FishDuck.com! If you can spare an hour a day to help the site stay on track, then you will be making decisions and learning skills that can help in Website or Newsroom management. A six month commitment required due to the training period, but it can help your resume as one who helping to manage over 40 writers and editors! Contact me charles@fishduck.com

About Author
Kim Hastings

Kim HastingsKim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as "TacomaDuck."View all posts by Kim Hastings →


 

 

This article is published and edited by:

Editor

Clint Wright

Clint Wright

Editor In Chief

Dano Dunn

Dano Dunn