Sssshhh . . . I’m typing this from the closet floor in an undisclosed location for the annual FishDuck.com Super Bowl party. We’re all incredibly rich from working here but what’s even better than the money, cars and models is the lavish parties that Fish throws for us several times a year. I don’t even know where I am right now. I was just told to bring a passport and zero gravity underwear.
To paraphrase Jim Harbaugh, “Who parties better than Fish? NO-BODY!”
Like all good Super Bowl parties this one has a board where you can buy squares to guess the final score of the game. Unlike most office pools, though, the winner of this one gets his own country. Last year Fish himself won, which means that he got to change the name of an existing nation.
Good choice, eh?
But our favorite part of Fish’s Super Bowl party is the drinking games we play. Which led me to wonder why we should have all the fun? Feel free to play right along with us:
1. One beer for every ten times that Peyton Manning says, “Omaha.” Good Lord! No one outside of Nebraska even knew that Omaha was a city until Manning started saying it over and over again. Personally I thought it was just a word that came before “Steak.”
I wonder if he even knows that the capitol of Nebraska is Lincoln?
2. Shot of tequila every time Joe Buck says, “This is a big third down for the offense.” Isn’t it, by definition, a big third down for the defense as well?
Hi, I’m Joe Buck and you are looking live at my incredibly high forehead.
3. Jack and Coke every time Troy Aikman says, “Marshawn Lynch is a downhill runner.” Stadium architects worked diligently to make sure that Met Life Stadium’s field is perfectly level. There is no such thing as “running downhill” on a flat field.
A football field is a plane . . . not an incline.
4. Shot with a couple of beers back every time Richard Sherman makes a tackle and woofs about it: You should be okay. He made a whole two tackles against the 49ers and has cashed in as if it was a career day.
A rare photo of Seattle’s most loquacious player with his mouth closed.
5. Seven and Seven every time the camera lands on John Elway. Bonus margarita if it’s backed by the Soundtrack of a horse whinnying.
And . . . they’re off!
6. Finally, being poured into your car by the Designated Driver when the confetti falls.
Super Bowl snowfall.
Wherever you are and whatever you do tomorrow, please stay safe. The private jet you run into, when careening in a drunken stupor onto an airport tarmac, may be FishDuck’s.
Go Ducks!
Top Photo By www.flickr.com
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Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.
He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as “TacomaDuck.”