The perks of working for FishDuck.com are ridiculous. I’m writing this from my timeshare week in Aspen, and its less than a month after this Super Bowl party:
But there comes a time, every year, when we have to pay the piper for all of these perks. When tax season rolls around free-lance writers take it up the . . .
And it takes some pretty creative accounting to get past the tax man without having to lay off one of my housekeepers.
That’s why I decided to network with writers loosely connected to other university sports programs to see if they had any ideas for how to protect these assets:
Pam Sweet-Wilson, Writer for Buffalo Chips in Boulder: “Have you seen a Colorado Buffalo football game since Rick Neuheisel took his guitar West? Good grief! I deduct the cost of ESPN Gameplan as war crime reparations for the torture that I endure.”
Kellen Sillanpaa, Writer for the Berkeley Frown: ”Joe Kapp, Tom Holmoe, Jeff Tedford. What more do you need to know? I buy season tickets for Cal football, and throw them off the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s all I can do not to follow them into the water. As a Golden Bear fan I self-medicate, and deduct the cost on Schedule A of my 1040.”
Janice Hilstad, Writer for Dawggie Style and Couture in Seattle: ”Husky fans are perhaps the happiest people on the planet. That’s because we have completely lost touch with reality. Already in 2014 we have won our 7th consecutive off-season championship, hired a coach who passionately recruits Napoleon Dynamite’s home town and watched a once-proud basketball program go toe-to-toe with Guy Fieri’s Culinary School and Barber College. As far as taxes are concerned, I just don’t file. Insanity knows no tax code.”
Justin Beaver, Writer for the Corvallis Sheep Dip: ”Did you know that a man who was diagnosed with gender-identity disorder (he felt he was a woman trapped in a male body) wanted to deduct almost $22,000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses for hormone therapy and sexual-reassignment surgeries. The tax court decided his hormone therapy and the sex-change operation costs, in the amount of $14,500, was a qualified medical tax deduction. Oregon State fans are taking this landmark decision to its logical conclusion. It’s all been a big mistake. We’re all really Duck fans trapped in a Beaver nightmare.”
And I’m sure that Oregon fans everywhere will welcome them. Poor dears. Bless their hearts.
Top photo by manataka.org
Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.
He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as “TacomaDuck.”
For Greybeards … the EYES Have it!
Want to know a secret about web behavior? Readers don’t like long stretches of sentences in comment posts without any breaks, and most readers don’t even like long paragraphs.
Break it up! After every third sentence in your post…hit “enter” on your keyboard twice if your computer is a PC, or “return” twice if you have a Mac.
This creates natural breaks between scads of sentences, and so many of us thank you for making it easier on our “Greybeard-age” eyes!