Aaaand They’re Off!

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive Leave a Comment

It’s the first Saturday in May and that means its time for the Kentucky Derby.  The food, the mint juleps, the pageantry …

The..hats too

… the hats.

All of which make the Kentucky Derby the most exciting two minutes in sports … east of watching Beaver fans leave the Civil War early.  This year’s Run for the Roses is unusually special for the Pac-12.  Derby officials have designated that certain past race winners will represent specific schools from the Conference of Champions:

1)  USC:  The Trojans made a lot of noise when Matt Barkley decided to stay for another year.  They made a lot of noise when they wrestled John David Booty (What?  This isn’t Josh?) into camp as the next great USC quarterback.  They made a lot of noise when they came into Autzen on Halloween Night a few years back.  And they made a lot of noise when they hired a coach with NFL Head Coaching experience until they found out it was Lane Kiffen, but when the NCAA came to call about some Brinks trucks that had stopped by the Bush residence, the Trojans were …

Real Quiet

Real Quiet

2)  UCLA:  The Bruins seemingly have it all.  A beautiful campus largely free of knife fights.  Enough courage in their own manhood to wear powder blue.  A good-looking articulate head coach that is also hiding his desire to coach at Washington much better than in years past.  Trips to the conference championship game in two consecutive years have been fun.  Yet, when it comes to winning that pivotal game that would push UCLA over the top …

Bzzt, thanks for playing

bzzt, thanks for playing

3)  WSU:  There are many sides to Washington State.  When the Cougars had Ryan Leaf at quarterback they made some waves in the conference and even took an unsuccessful trip to the Rose Bowl.  That was WSU’s Glory Side.  Then they went through the Bill Doba years and that was known as the Bleak Side.

Now they have Mike Leach, famous for calling out his Texas Tech Red Raiders team for having “Fat little girlfriends” telling them what to do.  Washington State still doesn’t win, and they don’t move the ball on offense unless the staff of  (picnicking as we speak at the Big Boss’ estate) puts down the potato salad and plays defense for the Cougars’ opponent.  Leach’s era is known as WSU’s …

Funny Cide

Funny Cide

4)  UW:  There is something … off about the Huskies.  They bleat about tradition but haven’t formed any since the balls were actually made from pigskin.  They lurk up there in North Overcastia puffing out their chest about the greatness of their town.  They clutter up the Northern Division when their spot could be better filled by Sacramento State.  I guess that’s it.  The Huskies claim to belong but they’re really just …


Vagrant, since 1876.

5)  OSU:  Which past winner could the Derby Committee tab to represent the Beavers?  There were a couple nominations that were ultimately rejected (I’ll Have Another, Go For Gin), but which gelding really tells the tale of Oregon State?

The Beavers make a lot of noise in the off-season, but not as much as do the Huskies.  The Beavs shoot off their mouths more in the run up to Fall games.  OSU exhibits Monday Obnoxiounesss, Tuesday Belligerence, Wednesday Excuse-Making, Thursday Annoyance and Friday Flatulence.  But then they get their Saturday beating and we get …

Blessed Blessed Sunday Silence

Sunday Silence

6)  UO:  That leaves only the Ducks of Oregon to be represented at Churchill Downs.  Oregon is a cutting-edge team known for innovative offense, intelligent defense and top-notch coaching.  They’re also known for their color schemes and style.  The only constant though is that whatever colors they wear, they are the …

Winning Colors

Winning Colors!

Point spread has the Ducks favored in the Spring Game.  Go Ducks!

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