Congratulations to Marcus Mariota! He’s the first Heisman winner from the state of Oregon in the Era of Competition. (Jerry Stovall finished second to OSU’s Terry Baker in 1962. Stovall rushed for 368 yards … all season.) FishDuck.com would like to offer our sincere congratulations. Mr. Mariota, sir, if there is anything we can do for you, anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask.
We will:
Get you a cup of coffee.
Rub your back when it hurts.
Let you drive our car when yours is in the shop.
Super glue our daughters to you.
From left to right: My daughter and Marcus Mariota on an unseasonably cold Eugene day.
The Heisman ceremony itself was a tiny bit anticlimactic. The only question was what lunatic might not name Mariota first on his ballot. Since the Heisman is decided by a secret ballot, FishDuck.com would have no way of knowing what dill weed would not choose to put Mariota Number One.
For no good reason, I decided to randomly place a picture of Desmond Howard right here.
But the real story in New York City was the conversations held at the Best Buy Theater. FishDuck.com, in cooperation with Magnolia Hi-Fi, planted microphones throughout the rooms. Since this was the first year remote audio was available for all former winners,we were able to listen in to what people were saying. Here are a few samples:
Felix “Doc” Blanchard, 1945 Heisman:
Psst, Glenn … Glenn … GLENN DAVIS! Am I Mr. Inside or are you? I always forget.
Glenn Davis, 1946 Heisman:
I’ve told you a million times. You’re inside, I’m outside. Quick, look at me and see if you can tell I’m wearing lip gloss.
Johnny Lujack, 1947 Heisman:
I’m 88 years old and can play better against the Bengals than Johnny Nerf Ball.
Alan Ameche, 1954 Heisman:
No … Alan. Alan Ameche. I played for the Colts … Greatest game ever pl- … No, ALAN. NOT DON AMECHE YOU A**HOLE! ALAN!
Paul Hornung, 1956 Heisman:
Anyone know the point spread on Dallas/Philly? Who do you want? I’ll take the other side? Wanna shoot some craps?
Archie Griffin, 1974-75 Heisman:
Dear Lord, I will serve you forever if you keep anyone from looking at my stats from 1975.
Doug Flutie, 1984 Heisman:
I swear the next time some joker says “that trophy’s almost as tall as you” I’m going to LOSE IT!
Ty Detmer, 1990 Heisman:
If Marcus Woods is here, I’m gone.
Chris Weinke, 2000 Heisman:
“I’m older than Doc Blanchard.”
Reggie Bush, 2005 Heisman (returned due to cheating beyond even what ‘SC will tolerate):
I lost the Heisman, but I still made sweet love to Kim Kardashian. Anyone else here do that? WELL HAVE YA?
Robert Griffin III, 2011 Heisman:
“I may not be much as a pro, but I’ll bet the Washington Huskies still remember me.”
Johnny “Football” Manziel, 2012 Heisman:
“It appears I have exactly this much talent as a pro.”
Jameis Winston, 2013 Heisman:
Just remember, Jameis. Forrest Gump made it through these things. You are no dumber than Forrest, no sir.
Go Ducks of all race, creed, color, gender identity, and political and religious persuasion. We are all one in the spirit of being Ducks!
Top photo by operationsports.com
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Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.
He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as “TacomaDuck.”