Overheard at the Heisman Award Ceremony

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive

Congratulations to Marcus Mariota! He’s the first Heisman winner from the state of Oregon in the Era of Competition. (Jerry Stovall finished second to OSU’s Terry Baker in 1962. Stovall rushed for 368 yards … all season.) FishDuck.com would like to offer our sincere congratulations. Mr. Mariota, sir, if there is anything we can do for you, anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask.

We will:

Get you a cup of coffee.

Rub your back when it hurts.

Let you drive our car when yours is in the shop.

Super glue our daughters to you.

From left: My daughter and Marcus Mariota on an unseasonably cold Eugene day.

e-rastrillo.blogspot.com

From left to right: My daughter and Marcus Mariota on an unseasonably cold Eugene day.

The Heisman ceremony itself was a tiny bit anticlimactic. The only question was what lunatic might not name Mariota first on his ballot. Since the Heisman is decided by a secret ballot, FishDuck.com would have no way of knowing what dill weed would not choose to put Mariota Number One.

For no good reason I decided to randomly place a picture of Desmond Howard right here.

en.wikipedia.org

For no good reason, I decided to randomly place a picture of Desmond Howard right here.

But the real story in New York City was the conversations held at the Best Buy Theater. FishDuck.com, in cooperation with Magnolia Hi-Fi, planted microphones throughout the rooms. Since this was the first year remote audio was available for all former winners,we were able to listen in to what people were saying. Here are a few samples:

Felix “Doc” Blanchard, 1945 Heisman:

Psst, Glenn...Glenn...GLENN DAVIS. Am I Mr. Inside or Mr. Outside?

en.wikimedia.org

Psst, Glenn … Glenn … GLENN DAVIS! Am I Mr. Inside or are you? I always forget.

Glenn Davis, 1946 Heisman:

I've told you a million times. You're inside, I'm outside. Quick, look at me and see if you can tell I'm wearing lip gloss.

en.wikimedia.org

I’ve told you a million times. You’re inside, I’m outside. Quick, look at me and see if you can tell I’m wearing lip gloss.

Johnny Lujack, 1947 Heisman:

I'm 88 years old and could play better against the Bengals than Short Stuff.

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I’m 88 years old and can play better against the Bengals than Johnny Nerf Ball.

Alan Ameche, 1954 Heisman:

No...Alan. Alan Ameche. Played for the Colts...Greatest game ever pl...No, ALAN. NOT DON AMECHE YOU A**HOLE. ALAN!

en.wikimedia.org

No … Alan. Alan Ameche. I played for the Colts … Greatest game ever pl- … No, ALAN. NOT DON AMECHE YOU A**HOLE! ALAN!

Paul Hornung, 1956 Heisman:

anyone know the point spread on Dallas/Philly? Who do you want? I'll take the other side? Wanna shoot some craps?

en.wikimedia.org

Anyone know the point spread on Dallas/Philly? Who do you want? I’ll take the other side? Wanna shoot some craps?

Archie Griffin, 1974-75 Heisman:

Dear Lord, I will serve you forever if you keep anyone from looking at my stats from 1975.

en.wikimedia.org

Dear Lord, I will serve you forever if you keep anyone from looking at my stats from 1975.

Doug Flutie, 1984 Heisman:

I swear the next time some joker says, "That trophy's almost as tall as you" I'm going to LOSE IT!

en.wikimedia.org

I swear the next time some joker says “that trophy’s almost as tall as you” I’m going to LOSE IT!

Ty Detmer, 1990 Heisman:

If Marcus Woods is here, I'm gone.

en.wikimedia.org

If Marcus Woods is here, I’m gone.

Chris Weinke, 2000 Heisman:

"I'm older than Doc Blanchard"

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“I’m older than Doc Blanchard.”

Reggie Bush, 2005 Heisman (returned due to cheating beyond even what ‘SC will tolerate):

I lost the Heisman but I still made sweet love to Kim Kardashian. Anyone else here do that? WELL HAVE YA'?

I lost the Heisman, but I still made sweet love to Kim Kardashian. Anyone else here do that? WELL HAVE YA?

Robert Griffin III, 2011 Heisman:

"I may not be much as a pro, but I'll bet the Washington Huskies still remember me

en.wikimedia.org

“I may not be much as a pro, but I’ll bet the Washington Huskies still remember me.”

Johnny “Football” Manziel, 2012 Heisman:

"It appears I have exactly this much talent as a pro."

en.wikimedia.org

“It appears I have exactly this much talent as a pro.”

Jameis Winston, 2013 Heisman:

See it was like this. I picked up crab legs in seafood, and milk in dairy. Then I forgot...you're not buying a word of this are you? Don't apply for a job in the Tallahassee D.A.'s office.

en.wikimedia.org

Just remember, Jameis. Forrest Gump made it through these things. You are no dumber than Forrest, no sir.

Go Ducks of all race, creed, color, gender identity, and political and religious persuasion. We are all one in the spirit of being Ducks!

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