Happy Birthday, FishDuck.com Style

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive

This week is my wife’s birthday. She turns (#@#%* transmission garbled) years old. I wanted to get her the best birthday gift possible, so I did what any intelligent husband would do.

I asked her. My Mama didn't raise any dummies...my brothers notwithstanding.


I asked her. My mama didn’t raise any dummies … my brothers notwithstanding.

She said, “A trip to Hawaii sounds fun.”

My mirth was uncontrollabe.


My mirth was uncontrollable.

I would have to sell my body a jillion times over to finance a trip to Hawaii.

You can see the goods for a quarter. Final offer.


You can see the goods for a quarter. Final offer.

I could see she would be little help. So I called around to see if anyone else had any ideas.

Rick Neuheisel: The former coach at Colorado, Washington, and UCLA thought I should take whatever I have and buy into a basketball bracket game.

But my wager on Florida/Gulf Coast was, alas, a year to late.


But my wager on Florida/Gulf Coast was, alas, a year too late.

Tyrone Willingham: The successful former coach at Stanford, Notre Dame, and especially Washington, was unavailable. He was cleaning Charles Fischer’s pool.

0-12 must be punished.


Later he can get started on the big pool.

Jameis Winston: The presumptive first pick in the NFL Draft was helpful … in his own way.

He had some left over.


He had some left over.

But still I wondered what I could get for my wife that would make her really happy. Finally I hit on a plan.

I turned down the lights...


I turned down the lights …

Lit a couple of candles.


… lit a couple of candles …

Put on my finest masculine scent.


… put on my finest masculine scent …

… and whispered the words guaranteed to make a real woman leave claw marks on her man’s back.

"Spring football, baby. Four and a half months to go."


“Spring football, baby. Four and a half months to go.”

Works every time. Happy birthday, Jeri Deanne. Love, FishDuck.com. P.S. Charles is buying you a chinchilla coat.


Works every time. 

Happy birthday, Jeri Deanne. Love FishDuck.com. P.S.: Charles is buying you a chinchilla coat.

Go Ducks!

Top photo by flickr.com

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