Have you ever had one of those days? The toothpaste hit an air pocket and squirted down your hand. The coffeemaker gave up the ghost the same morning you were working with four hours of sleep. Your wife told you she’s leaving you for the Schwan’s driver.
It’s like the “check engine” light came on for your whole life.
Hang in there. It’s days like this your friends at FishDuck.com have your back. We understand that there are days when almost everyone in your life could use a kick in the bum, at the very least.
We understand, because we have been there. Herein, a partial list of people who deserve a sound beating. Most of them litter social media. Some of them go to football games with us.
1. The Overly Affectionate Couple: “Having a wonderful breakfast, watching the sunrise with a woman even lovelier.”
OH, GAWD! Give it a rest. Chances are she said the same thing to the Schwan’s driver.
2. People Who Post Ambiguously: “Well, that’s that, I guess.” “Hmmm … what now?” “Is it tomorrow yet?”
3. Check-ins: “At Costco.” REALLY? YOU’RE AT COSTCO? Have a $1.50 hot dog and Pepsi. Better yet:
4. Thinly Disguised Sales Pitches Masquerading as Social Media: “Do you like this sweater? I made it! I can make one for you too. Message me for details.”
5. Husky Fans Under the Age of 30 Who Talk About “Tradition.” My dad graduated the same year the Ducks won the 1939 NCAA Championship. That was great … for him. It has no sports fan relevance to me. Unless a Husky fan is nearing death, Ducks/Huskies is at best an even proposition for the vaunted “Dawgs.”
6. Fans Who Perpetually Show Up Late, Leave Early, or Miss the 3rd Quarter for an Extended Halftime: I understand leaving early if the score is a 50-point difference and you have to drive to …
Those are mine. Do you have any to add?
Go Ducks! Swing away. Bunting is for sissies.
Top photo by en.wikimedia.org