“What do you think you can offer this company?” “Where do you see yourself in five years?” “What have you learned from previous positions that will serve you in this job?” These are the kinds of questions most of us have experienced when interviewing for jobs. After enough experience at being turned down, we know the incorrect answers.
I need the money to detail my sweet ride.
In Cancun with your wife.
I don’t have any previous positions. I’m only 30.
Rather we have learned the kinds of words Human Resources likes to hear. We pepper our sentences with “self-starter,” “grow with the company,” “belief,” and “challenges (as in “meet head-on…)
But FishDuck.com has compiled a list of specific questions asked in interviews by Pac-12 Conference schools. Sure, everyone wants to live in Eugene, work at U of O and be a Duck. But other, lesser schools, need employees too. Patience, Grasshopper. Your entry level position may be at…
The University of Washington: Apply online at udub.edu/washyourmouthoutwithsoap. Be prepared for such questions as: “What is your favorite Stooge?”This is a trick question. The obvious answers are a selection between Rick Neuheisel, Tyrone Willingham, or Tosh Lupoi. But UW is looking for Larry, Moe, Curly Joe, or Shemp.
It helps to have a sense of humor and a good memory if your job includes saying “The Tradition of Husky Excellence.”
Washington State University: Apply online at wsu.edu/turnleftatcolfaxandbidyoursoulfarewell. Be prepared for such questions as: “If you could be Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, or Lady Gaga who would you choose to be, and why? Your application will be considered if you select Gaga and rejected if you choose Monroe. But you’re in the door if you choose Garland.
It takes someone who wants to live in Kansas to be okay with the Papoose…or whatever it is they call it.
Arizona State University: Apply online at asu.edu/veryattractiveskincanceryouhavethere. Expect to be asked about favorite prime time cartoons when you apply at ASU. Be careful which one you choose. Stay clear of Bob’s Burgers. Bob owns his own restaurant. Stay clear of Family Guy. Both Brian and Lois are intelligent go-getters, and Stewie has a time machine..
ASU has nice weather, co-eds rivaling any in the country, and a talent-rich recruiting base. Yeah, overachievers need not apply.
Oregon State University: Apply online at osu.edu.whoneedsyou/fyou Expect a job application in Corvallis to be best completed if you brought crayons. One of the questions employers at OSU like to ask is, “To what Teletubby do you most relate?” It’s the question most likely to derail you, and there is only a 25% chance of getting it right! Good God, Man! You might not get to work for that school most known for its desperate wool smell! Relax! Take as deep of a breath as being in Corvallis will allow. Let’s take them one at a time.
It won’t be Tinky-Winky. He’s too progressive.
It won’t be Dipsy. He’s green. OSU hates green so much they offer financial aid for frequent littering.
It won’t be Laa-Laa. She is known for having what OSU despises almost as much as green. Intelligence.
The correct answer is “Po.” Because, almost without exception, if OSU tries to do it, they will be
Po’ at it.
Go Ducks! May all your job searches be successful. After all, you’re Ducks and there are none anywhere like you!
Top image by Gildshire.com
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Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.
He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as “TacomaDuck.”