Sooners Stumble and Ducks Dodge Disaster in Week 9

Jon Joseph Editorials

There was Never A Doubt that Oregon would beat the dreaded Cougs, right? CJ Verdell can smell Roses, after all. And a walk-off field goal definitely tops a missed extra point!

Week 9 is officially in the books, folks. By now, you know the drill. Here’s your one-and-only, one-stop shop in case you missed some of the week’s biggest storylines.

Week 9 in Review

Caveat Emptor — In the fourth quarter this season, USC QB Kedon Slovis is completing 77.8% of his passes, 9.9 yards per attempt, with five TDs and zero INTs. Puddles, keep doing those pushups and stay fourth quarter strong!

App State: Perfect (School for computer nerds?)

Et tu Brute? Wisconsin was feeling ILL in week 8. Bucky trips to Columbus and Fields even worse in week 9.

“Coach, this guy Chase Young is overrated. Let’s block him with one guy, including a TE.” Four sacks later …

Ohio State blew the doors off of Wisconsin.

Feel The Burn. Puddles would like to thank LSU for Burrowing the Ducks a deeper Playoff pit. Coach O is now 7-1 versus top-10 ranked opponents, and Pat Haden is still a Rhodes Scholar.

Tua bad you couldn’t play … but still, the Hogs were slapped and slopped.

I Ain’t Lion! PSU makes no “MI State.” Mark Dantonio opened the Red Box and continues his efforts to perfect an “O” that only a denturist could love.

Oklahoma Is Klieman No Longer. Upset-minded Kansas State Hurts the Sooners and their QB’s chances of tripping to the Big Manhattan.

Hail Mary? Coach Khaki authored a beat down in the Big House. 45-14 is Michigan’s largest margin of victory over a top 10-team since Mr. FishDuck’s 77th birthday in 1977. Notre Dame has lost 11 consecutive true road games against top-20 teams. Dear UGA, about that big win …

There’s Something About That Jones Boy! Notre Dame held Michigan to three-and-out on the Wolverines’ first possession. The punt from the end zone was blocked. But the Domers’ Jon Jones decided to be Jonny on the spot and fell on what would have been Notre Dame’s ball just outside of the red line. On a wet field, the ball squirted out, recovered by Michigan. Let the onslaught begin! (In Jones’ defense, Michigan would have throttled Notre Dame without his miscue; he was far from the only one to blame. But the pun was too good to pass up!)

Minny is no longer Ha-Ha, but can it Possibly Stay Undefeated next Saturday?

Minnesota is for real.

Clem My Son, are you any good? Or, is it Be Cause the schedule is so easy to ACCE?

We Are (pretend) SC! Losing 21-41 to a team with an absence of quality Volunteers? Maybe they’re smoking too much of that stuff that grows ‘Tween the Hedges.

Death and Texas? Texas is back! To being mediocre …

Les Would Have Been More. With the game all but over, the Jayhawks’ winning FG attempt was blocked. But a Texas Tech player, seeing Red (Raiders) decided to try to return the blocked ball for a TD. After reversing his field, the player decided to lateral to one of his buddies. Oops! Kansas recovered the failed pitch, and on its second try, kicked the winning, walk-off FG.

U Can’t Lose Away in LA, can you Herm? Will the Chippers capture the Pac-12 south?

It was all smiles for the Bruins on Saturday.

Ute Best Beware. The Fighting Wittinghams are the first Pac-12 team with three consecutive first half conference shutouts since 1991.

“Do you have a license for that monkee? What, are you blind!” You don’t have to be Inspector Clouseau to know that most every CFB team has a nemesis. It wasn’t pretty, but Puddles did get a Leach off of its back. And it was great to see the frosh kicker and Juwan Johnson show up.

How about the ejection of Jackie Robinson’s great-great nephew? Who knew? And getting a 15-yard penalty for protesting a call that was overturned … Gotta love the Pac-12 refs.

E(veryone) S(hould) P(lease) N(ote). Next week, the Grapevine Gurus speak. No more having to Mullens over the rankings.

The Most Accurate Top-12 Poll on the Web

1. LSU — Okay, the win at Texas may not be that big of a deal. But you cannot discount wins versus Florida and an Auburn team with an awesome defense.

2. Ohio State — That was an emphatic beat down of Bucky. And tOSU also ran top-25 Cincy off the field.

3. Penn State — But good luck in Columbus. I don’t see a trip to Minny next week being a layup, either.

Penn State is led by a fierce defense.

4. Alabama — First time in Saint Nick’s 13 seasons at Bama that a backup QB had to make a start. He’s lucky and good, I suppose.

5. Clemson — But man, that schedule is a joke.

6. Florida — Best one-loss team with the best loss. I think UF chugs down UGA in next week’s cocktail party.

7. Oregon — Come on Men! One more win, and then you get to take a well-earned nap.

8. Utah — The loss at SC, was it merely an aberration? Seattle will be salty.

9. Oklahoma — A one-loss Oklahoma has sat at the four seat table before. But the quality Big 12 wins are disappearing.

10. Baylor — And if things go completely Waco?

11. Minnesota — Big tell next week.

12. Auburn — Man, is the schedule tough, or what?

That’s all for now. Oh, by the way, Mario Cristobal, before tripping to LA, please make sure the DBs get an oil change. Please and thanks.

Jon Joseph
Georgetown, TexasTop Photo by Kevin Cline


Chris Brouilette, the Volunteer editor for this article, is a current student at the University of Oregon  and is from Sterling, Illinois.


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