Holy Smokes! How things can so quickly change. I take a few months off from contributing to FishDuck.com and the next thing I know the Pac-12 falls to pieces. Clearly, my absence had something to do with it (wink, wink). I mean, I figured there would be some repercussions to the state of college football without my wisdom and guidance blessing the World Wide Web, but I never could have imagined this Shakespearian tragedy.
But, I digress.
Under the “guidance” of Larry Scott and the 12 conference presidents (who enabled him to drive the conference into the ground), we knew that something would eventually give. His replacement, George Kliavkoff, who did not push back on the presidents who thought the conference was worth $50 million (instead of their $30 million value) per year per school, was just like the closer in baseball. He came in for the ninth inning and sealed the deal.
It was shit or get off the pot time for the conference, so in typical Pac-12 fashion, they crapped their pants.
Yes, I’m using a highly sophomoric analogy to paint a picture of the Pac-12’s demise, and I’m good with it. I will continue my crassness by saying that since they crapped on us, we will crap on them (#truth). Given the circumstances, I do not blame the schools who jumped ship. They did what they had to do.
I have concluded that this is for the best. Just rip off the band-aid and move forward. The end result was already written in stone. No need to drag it out another few years as the separation of the “haves” and “have nots” was inevitable.
Er, conference over.
Finally, it is game week. After last season’s opener (aka The Ass-Kicking in Atlanta), it is nice to see the Ducks having a tune-up game with Portland State before a tough road game at Texas Tech in Week 2. Having said that, I’m sure I’ll quickly become bored as the Ducks score at will against the Vikings and will begin to mix in yard work during the game as I periodically come inside to check on the score.
But, the game will give us items to discuss as to where the Ducks look good and where they need to improve.
Of course, if I find myself being too lazy to get off the couch to mow the lawn, there will be some games of interest that overlap the Oregon game that I can flip channels to. Ohio State vs. Indiana will give us a look at our future conference rivals, while Washington vs. Boise State is a juicy northwest matchup. After the Oregon game, we can take a little break and then get a preview of our Week 2 opponent with Texas Tech vs. Wyoming.
One game that will be completely uninteresting on Saturday, yet still interesting, will be UT Martin vs. Georgia. I have nothing against you, UT Martin — in fact, before I sat down to write this I was not even sure that I knew you existed, but as a diehard Oregon fan I wish you to lose to the Bulldogs by a score worse than 49-3.
In fact, much worse.
You’ve all probably seen the “Bodacious” billboard of Oregon quarterback Bo Chapman Nix.
Bodacious is a word that I have probably not heard in over 30 years. So, to make sure that I had its precise definition, I enlisted the talents of linguists Bill and Ted:
Here is my stream of consciousness as I try to come up with something better than “Bodacious“:
Live in the BOment: Too philosophical.
BOwling for Heisman: Nah, invokes thoughts of beer-drinking slobs and a certain slob movie director. Would not work well in the minds of Heisman voters.
Bo CHAMPION Nix: It’s a stretch but has a ring to it. Unfortunately, nobody knows his middle name.
In the NIX of Time: Seems desperate.
Bad to the BOne: George Thorogood might file a lawsuit.
BOna fide Winner: We might just have a winner!
Any other ideas?
Top photo credit: Craig Strobeck
Natalie Liebhaber, the FishDuck.com Volunteer Editor for this article, works in technology in SLC, Utah.
Darren Perkins is a sales professional and 1997 Oregon graduate. After finishing school, he escaped the rain and moved to sunny Southern California where he studied screenwriting for two years at UCLA. Darren grew up in Eugene and in 1980, at the tender age of five, he attended his first Oregon football game. His lasting memory from that experience was an enthusiastic Don Essig announcing to the crowd: “Reggie Ogburn, completes a pass to… Reggie Ogburn.” Captivated by such a thrilling play, Darren’s been hooked on Oregon football ever since. Currently living in Spokane, Darren enjoys flaunting his yellow and green superiority complex over friends and family in Cougar country.
FishDuck Going to Articles on Monday and Tuesday Only…
Our off-season schedule begins, and we move from publishing articles seven days a week to Mondays and Tuesdays only. Same great group of writers, and we will have an article on other days on occasion.
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