This week is my wife’s birthday. She turns (#@#%* transmission garbled) years old. I wanted to get her the best birthday gift possible, so I did what any intelligent husband would do.
I asked her. My mama didn’t raise any dummies … my brothers notwithstanding.
She said, “A trip to Hawaii sounds fun.”
My mirth was uncontrollable.
I would have to sell my body a jillion times over to finance a trip to Hawaii.
You can see the goods for a quarter. Final offer.
I could see she would be little help. So I called around to see if anyone else had any ideas.
Rick Neuheisel: The former coach at Colorado, Washington, and UCLA thought I should take whatever I have and buy into a basketball bracket game.
But my wager on Florida/Gulf Coast was, alas, a year too late.
Tyrone Willingham: The successful former coach at Stanford, Notre Dame, and especially Washington, was unavailable. He was cleaning Charles Fischer’s pool.
Later he can get started on the big pool.
Jameis Winston: The presumptive first pick in the NFL Draft was helpful … in his own way.
He had some left over.
But still I wondered what I could get for my wife that would make her really happy. Finally I hit on a plan.
I turned down the lights …
… lit a couple of candles …
… put on my finest masculine scent …
… and whispered the words guaranteed to make a real woman leave claw marks on her man’s back.
“Spring football, baby. Four and a half months to go.”
Works every time.
Happy birthday, Jeri Deanne. Love FishDuck.com. P.S.: Charles is buying you a chinchilla coat.
Go Ducks!
Top photo by flickr.com
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Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.
He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as “TacomaDuck.”