Jon’s World: Bodacious Brats, Huskies and Bye Week Musings

Jon Joseph Editorials

I hope all Ducks fans were wrapped up in your favorite blankie last Saturday and except for waking up to see Willie lose a big lead and go “L” yet again, (and the Utes bringing the Rose Bowl into play) saved up all of your venom for the Huskies!

Please allow a Ducks fan who just escaped from the Red River Rivalry Game at the Texas State Fair Zoo to tell ya’all that the good Lord may well have made enough manna to feed the wandering Hebrews for forty years, but HE did not make enough Mylanta to overcome the Cotton Bowl consumption of: Krispy Kreme Burgers; Cookie Fries; Brutally Bad and Bodacious Brats and Cotton Candy Tacos!

Last Saturday and only thirty minutes away from kickoff my Texas graduate buddy from Bend, Oregon, and I were able to score 2 tickets to the Red River Rivalry at a cool $200 each for seats on the 20 yard line in the Cotton-Bowl-divided Oklahoma territory. With my friend dressed in more (burnt) orange than a Halloween pumpkin I feared for his life, but he was ready to brave the Okie slings and arrows to see if Texas later than sooner, could break Oklahoma’s four year win streak.

From Video

Kyler Murray

After using the restroom outside of the Cotton Bowl and listening to more than one poor lad rejecting a fried something or other, we made our way toward the gates of the venerable stadium. Alas, our tickets were rejected by the all knowing computer scanner! They were counterfeit, fraudulent , as worthless as the testimony of a Husky under oath. (See Mr. FishDuck’s Husky article tomorrow for reference) May the low life who sold us these ducats be sentenced to watch a continuing loop of Nebraska and UCLA game tape!

So, we were forced to imbibe a few adult beverages while watching the 1st half on a Texas sized TV screen outside the Cotton Bowl. Believing it to be futile but stoked by the demon rum, we decided to give our phony tickets a 2nd half chance. Lo and behold, a human ticket taker, not as well programmed as the computer ticket taker, accepted our fakes and standing in a sea of crimson, we witnessed an incredible 2nd half; or, at least an incredible 4th quarter.

With his Horns up 21 points early in the fourth frame my buddy suggested that we leave sooner than the game’s end. But the Sooners scoring three TDs in seven plays and putting the game into a tie negated an early exit. (How good would Kyler Murray have looked in an Oregon uni?) I spent many the anxious moment watching my friend’s complexion morph to a shade of Ducks green. I desperately tried to recall my CPR training, except for mouth to mouth which was not going to happen. Fortunately, for my friend’s health and that of all of the other Horny folk in attendance, Texas rallied. Dicker-the-Kicker came through and my buddy returned from suicide watch.

As the winning FG sailed through the goal posts with but nine seconds left, I gave my buddy a hug as I shouted out: “Never A Doubt!”

I am happy to be alive and able to report that even when Okie fans, (subsequent to said shout out) vociferously demurred while pelting me with fried food and game programs … my Ducks hat never departed my dome.

A great game in a great atmosphere with the stadium evenly split between burnt orange and crimson. I walked out thinking how much fun it would be if Portland had a stadium large enough to hold the Civil War game and where vendors could serve up fried pine cones, fried beaver tail, fried duck beak and fried environmentalists?

Nick Saban is a grumpy ol’ man?

While I’ve got you after the Oregon’s bye–don’t you just love the joy of Saint Nick? Apparently tired of flagellating Paul Finebaum, Maria Taylor, rat poison journalists, girls who pay too much for frocks, Alabamians who don’t buy his cars, caddies at Augusta National, the caretaker at his waterfront manse in Georgia and everyone over 5’6″ tall … Coach Saban turned his spleen on Alabama students for refusing to go GaGa for a home game (?) against LaLa.

When compared to the Tuscaloosa Taj Mahal game day experience, I can understand why many young scholars would opt for the Delta House? No doubt the house features better, cheaper and more copious hooch, far better + cheaper eats … music you actually want to listen to … and AC, so that you and your date do not have to sweat like a guy shoveling coal in a boiler room. And chairs and couches to sit on instead of getting ‘wedgeied’ on a bench made of aluminum. The game on HD TV with the only drawback being having to put up with Gary Danielson telling you how great your team is–when you already know it. Plus, it don’t cost nothin’ to park your chariot in the Delta lot and Tua might drop in at the end of the second half?

Me thinks St. Nick should look in the mirror. (But if he saw no reflection–would anyone be surprised?) This is a guy who constantly advocates for the SEC to play nine conference games. This is a guy who says Power 5 teams should only play Power 5 teams and then plays Arkansas State, Louisiana Lafayette and The Citadel at home?

Fortunately, the Bama D surrendered 31 garbage time points to the Razorbacks so that Nick can be happily grumpy to have something else to bitch about.

How good is this! The Utes chopped the Tree, UW survived the Chippers, it’s Hate Week and The Game (no offense Beavers) will be played in the Autzen sonic boom factory before the sun sets. ‘Late Night’ Larry Scott is no doubt ticked off over a meaningful conference game being played in the daylight? For all Ducks fans who may be perplexed about how to serve lunch and not dinner prior to kickoff, the Go Ducks! web site will be running a ‘How To Tailgate’ video all this week.

Kevin Cline

Exhibit “A” for Hate-Week…

The Crystal Ball, cleared of Cotton Bowl cotton candy dribble and Sooner fan spittle, thusly prognosticates the post season:
Cotton Bowl – Alabama vs. Notre Dame
Orange Bowl – Clemson vs. Ohio State
(When the contract is up, IMO the B-12 and Pac-12 should bail out of this BCS x 2 Invitational in favor of the old bowl system.)
Rose BowlOregon vs. Penn State (Crystal Ball still believes in Cristobal!)
Sugar Bowl – Georgia vs. Texas
Fiesta Bowl – UW vs. UCF
Peach Bowl – Miami vs. Oklahoma

May you be as Lucky as a guy with a phony ticket who was admitted to an instant classic, and as Blessed as one of the eight UCLA commits. (FYI, none are rated higher than a 3 star prospect and the Chipper currently has fewer offers out than does David Shaw!)

Go Ducks!

Jon Joseph
Georgetown, Texas

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