Cristobal’s O-Line Deserves a Nickname: What’s Your Choice?

Jordan Ingram Editorials

Since the Oregon Ducks’ (3-1) disappointing loss to the Oregon State Beavers (2-2) last week, I’ve been seeking a palate cleanser. As fans, we are often reduced to rambling complaints, wild speculation, midnight arguments with complete strangers and drastic calls to action (fire Helfrich!).

Guilty as charged. But every once in a while, we have been known to have some fun.

As you already know, Oregon’s starting offensive line consists of an entirely new lineup, which was going to be led by Outland Trophy winner Penei Sewell before he decided to enter the NFL Draft. So let’s meet the fab five: senior left tackle George Moore (6-foot-6, 325 pounds), junior left guard T.J. Bass (6-5, 318), junior center Alex Forsyth (6-4, 305), junior right tackle Malaesala Aumavae-Laulu (6-6, 325) and junior right guard Ryan Walk (6-3, 290).

The five men protecting sophomore quarterback Tyler Shough have done a fairly decent job in the trenches this season, allowing just four sacks for -20 yards. The offense under first-year offensive coordinator Joe Moorhead has averaged 7.5 yards per play and 491.8 yards of total offense per game, scoring 21 touchdowns in four games. The Ducks have been pretty effective running the ball too, averaging 5.6 yards per carry and 202.3 yards per game. Not too shabby for an entire system overhaul.

“You can’t touch this…”

So what shall we call these hulking specimens of gridiron glory? Here’s my working list:

  • Flat Earth Society
  • Gimme Your Lunch Bunch
  • Mario’s Manhandlers
  • House of Pancakes 
  • Willamette Whoppers
  • Gridiron Gravy Guzzlers
  • Corpulent Commission
  • Saggy Bottom Boys
  • The Road Graders
  • Turf Club
  • Duck Justice Department 
  • Great Wall O’ Beef
  • All-You-Can-Eat Fleet
  • Brisket Fists: Hand of Fate OR Fistful of Briskets

Now, it’s your turn, Ducks fans. Gimme your best nicknames for Mighty Oregon’s offensive line!

A special thanks to my Uncle Fred for a few of the names I mentioned above! 

Jordan Ingram
San Diego, California
Top Photo by Eugene Johnson

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During the off-season the publishing schedule will consist of articles on Mondays and Tuesdays. Do keep checking as new articles could be published during the week when a writer has something to say.

In mid-August of 2024, we will go back to the seven-days-a-week of articles during the football season as we did in the football season of 2023.

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