Image of Larry Scott sitting next to Pac-12 Championship trophy.

A Larry Scott Ballad and a Pair of Limerick Chasers

Lou Farnsworth Editorials 51 Comments

We Pac-12 fans, who have suffered so much under the failed generalship of Larry Scott, really deserve a smile at his expense. I hope the following offerings will provide you some.

Jon Hoffman, who posted a delightful parody about the Huskies here on FishDuck.com a couple of years ago, graciously helped me out. He took the lyrics that I had written, tweaked them a skoosh and put them to music. We recorded this video last Thursday. Enjoy! And thank you Jon!

A Tribute to Larry Scott  (to the tune of That’s Amore by Dean Martin and you gotta hear a minute of this, or better yet…have it going in the background and then follow along with Jon)

You’re A Moron”

(Lyrics to Video below)
Thanks to you we all weep, you’re the boss, you’re a creep, and a moron

Snatched your bonus and laughed while you fired half your staff, greedy moron!

San Fran rent is so high, but you don’t blink an eye as you ponder

Pac12’s on the shelf, while you care for yourself, as you squander.

 

Whether Husky or Duck, Pac12 channels still suck, you’re a moron.

With features galore from 1984, you’re a moron.

Half the country can’t see, it’s not on their TV, they ignore you

And with games late at night, sleepy fans just won’t bite, we deplore you.

 

When you waste so much cash, treat our conference like trash, you’re a moron!

When your leadership style is a doggy-doo pile, you’re a moron!

You continue to dote, turning champions to goats, you’re a menace

You should go, take it on the chin, give us all a grin, stick to ping pong or tennis.

 

When the Pac 12 plays nine, SEC thinks that’s fine, you’re a moron!

When you fold in the clutch, and you lack any touch, you’re a moron!

We don’t want your milquetoast, pack your bags, adios, take your bon-bons

Limo Larry’s bye bye, we already know why, . . .you’re a moron!

The Limerick Chasers

There once was a commish named Scott,

Who himself seemed his every thought.

While under his crown,

The Pac-12 slid down,

To the Power Five Conference’s bot–tom.

 

His dealings were all so inept,

That Pac presidents tore hair and wept.

Each day they would pray

That he’d just go away,

Since his tenure was nothing but sept–tic.
———————————————————-

Yeah, I know, those italicized last syllables didn’t quite work, did they? Well, Larry Scott’s tour in the Pac-12 hasn’t quite worked, either.

But at least we can fix the limericks!

Lou Farnsworth, AKA “Homer Duck”
Fontana, CA
Top Photo from Twitter

Andrew Mueller, the FishDuck.com Volunteer Editor for this article, works in higher education in Chicago, Illinois.

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Charles Fischer

USC is now ranked No. 5 in the nation in Recruiting!

I do not like this at all, as USC, frankly, is recruiting right there with Cristobal as you can see right here.

They have 15 of the four and five-star players as we do and have two fewer players verballed. Darn that Donte Williams!

As you scroll down the list–only Arizona State at No. 19 comes into the top-25 among Pac-12 schools other than the Ducks and Trojans and they only have three of the coveted players? It is like Oregon and USC are truly taking all the recruiting air in the West Coast room.

I never thought I’d see the day when nine of the Pac-12 schools are being out-recruited by Maryland and Rutgers!

Last edited 23 days ago by Charles Fischer
David Marsh

The big question is how well does everyone hold onto their recruits.

I think USC might surpass Oregon in rankings… Though usc still has the problem of a down class in their 2020 class that will take four years to pass. I know the overall star ratings for this year’s class for USC weren’t too horrible but numbers were down.

Helton will probably be around through 2021 as no one is getting fired for the 2020 season (well anyone getting fired is highly unlikely). If Oregon gets a stranglehold on the PAC this year and next Helton’s seat is on fire and Oregon will have to capitalize on recruiting while sitting atop the PAC.

DumpsterFire

I’m actually not that worried about it. Recruiting is one thing, but coaching is another. Think of it this way, with Pete Carroll USC was always fighting for #1, and typically top 5 at worst.

Enter Lane Kiffin – Class ranks: #1, #4, #8 and #13 (all have been better than Oregon really has ever done, until now).
Enger Ed Orgeron – (shares with Kiffin) #13
Enter Steve Sarkisian – #10 and #1
Enter Clay Helton – #10, #6, #3, #18, #71 (yep, you read that right) and right now sitting at #5

My point is that they’ve always been able to recruit, but they still have Clay at the helm, so even if they’re back where they’re used to being it doesn’t guarantee a win by any means.

30Duck

That’s right, not a huge concern, and while the numbers indicate USC recruiting is at a level comparable to Oregon; that is not to say that (Helton) is “right there with Cristobal”. I won’t believe it will ever be the case that Helton and his staff will be the equal to the recruiting and most importantly, the developing, of the players as is happening at Oregon…and of course, USC’s recruiting jumped up with the addition of Williams.

30Duck

That is troubling, especially since Oregon is at 21 and USC at 19. I’m reading/hearing that the Ducks are looking to get 3 more for a total of 24. That could end up great if the elite’s still out there join the flock, and apparently the Ducks would go to 25 if they, “had” too.

Charles Fischer

Three more, but they may hold a schollie for a transfer that materializes or for one of the “Big-Fish” they are casting for….

kerby

Well Lou, your song did not disappoint! Well done my friend! 💚

MaiTaiDuck

Yes Harvard Larry is a MORON! You definitely got that right as I’ve been calling for this guys head on a Silver platter long long long ago. The funny thing is I just don’t think he’s ever going to be fired. Why? Because for all the crap he’s done to and especially our Football conference he should have been fired.

This is insanity as I’ve scratched my head by what this guy consistently does and that’s absolutely nothing. He never ever promoted the Ducks in our first hay days with Chip as Commander and Chief. I’m getting to the point of just doing other things so I don’t continue to waste my time thinking this is gonna ever get better.

Its time for people with money to start flying Fire Larry signs from way up high over games being played. Problem is we just have to make sure there are games being played in the Day light. As far as SC is concerned what would really be the icing on the cake is if we both finished the regular season with identical 7-0 records and meet in the PAC 12 Championship.

Then we beat them in the trench’s for everyone and their grandmother to see in the Championship game. This would seal the deal as far as I’m concerned for the number 1 class 3 years running and get JT to sign while getting back into the BCS I mean the ridiculous 4 team playoff’s. You hear that 5 conferences in D-1 and these idiots choose a 4 team playoff, so they must be related to Scott somehow.

Also I seriously believe SC is the past because really don’t see to many TOP canidates wanting that job or someone better than Helton would have been hired way back. I thought Urban Meyer would have taken that job to prove his worth but much to my surprise and happiness he didn’t jump on board.

DumpsterFire

So fellow Duck fans. I know we’re going through changes on our beloved FishDuck, part of which is the usual daily articles being written, including us occasional guest authors…well that doesn’t have to stop us. With the blessing of Mr Charles Fischer himself, I’m posting a quick article that I submitted to him right here, right now for all to see. Sorry that there are no cool pictures and all that, and sorry that the editors aren’t getting to do their thing (really they are unsung heroes of this site…they do an outstanding job, so thank you all). Without further ado…the rough draft that is now a comment…

A Season For The Ages

The return of Ducks football is nearly upon us. The question begs though: Will it be the same, or something different entirely? 

For anyone who’s been to a game at Autzen, or any other stadium for that matter, there really isn’t anything quite like the feel, the energy that at times is almost pulsating through the air. Even as you’re in traffic trying to get to the stadium you can feel it.  To say it’s electric might actually be an insult to the feeling…it’s almost cosmic.

The first game of the season isn’t until November, close to the time the season is normally winding down, and while “it never rains at Autzen Stadium,” it sure does start getting cold about that time of year, albeit from the comforts of our living rooms or perhaps socially distanced at our favorite watering hole…which is by comparison of seasons past, are almost dried up.

With no fans in the stands, this might actually make the days of old when a person could buy a ticket for $10 or less and by halftime be sitting in row 1 at the 50 yard line seem more exciting than now.  Even during the odd times Ducks games were televised back then you could still hear the roar of the crowd, but now, not so much. It won’t even be a whimper of the crowd. The electricity will absent.

Where does that leave things for the fans?  Where are the people enjoying the Travis Dye’s of the team getting so into “Shout” that it would actually scare them that he’d hurt himself?  Where are the Kayvon Thibaddeux clicking his heals in the middle of the field after a game; or pumping up the crowd after a sack going to come from?  How is home field advantage going to actually be an advantage? Is it going to matter?

Sure, stadiums can pump in “crowd noise,” but is that going to be anything other than a background distraction, or maybe just a slight change from practice music to the players? The “feel” of the game just isn’t going to be there.

What about the cheerleaders flipping and flying through the air? Are they going to do that for the lone cameraman who happens to get the call to point his camera at them? Are they even going to be there?

Here’s a bigger question; what about The Duck?  Is our beloved Duck going to do lonely isolated push-ups off in the corner of Autzen where the only people who are going to see it might be the obscure media person snapping shots off at the usually quirky (or shall we say quaky) Duck?  Is The Duck going to be required to wear a mask (I bet he will on his own, just because) or is he part of the “essential” crowd and will be exempt?

It’s going to be an experience for everyone, we just don’t know exactly how yet. Make no mistake about it though, Duck football is about to be upon us and is it going to be a season for the ages, one way or another.

Last edited 23 days ago by DumpsterFire
Charles Fischer

Well, no crowds at Autzen might have a COVID Unintended Consequence? I predict tons of Duck Football TV parties, and won’t that spread COVID as easily as in the stadium?

You know the answer, but the real reason is that you can’t sue UO when you catch COVID from a Duck-Buddy at a Game Party.

Jon Joseph

NOW is the time to go to 9 AM kick offs with no fans to inconvenience and to come on the air at noon back east. Right after the FOX, Big Noon show.

30Duck

Ah, Dumpster Fire, you nailed it here, especially when it comes to, “The Duck”. Sure, for Bucky the Beaver, or the Tree, or whatever the Cal Bear is called, the lack of a crowd will be status quo. But, we have to admit it, “The Duck” is a bit of a ham, and no crowd to entertain is going to knock him off his game a bit.

Is Jerry going to be at Autzen, or like the Seahawks are doing with their announcing crew, calling the game off the tv broadcast? What about, Don Essig? It won’t be the same for sure. Of course every game can still start with, “The Pick”.

Charles Fischer

FishDuck will have photographers at the games for the occasion article, and for when we ramp up again full-time. (Paying them is out of my pocket)

I thought about utilizing my Media Credentials to sit in the Press Box with other press, but I’d have to wear the damn mask the whole time, I’m sure.

Hard-pass.

Last edited 23 days ago by Charles Fischer
DumpsterFire

I’d upload a pic of one of my masks but I’m sure it’d trip your spam alert on here, but I say do it, but have fun with it…and get some FishDuck approved pics in the process.

The mask in question…a full-fledged Bane mask. Not a cloth imitation that covers just the mouth and nose…no, I’m talking legit, covers half my face and head, people stop and stare or comment on it when I wear it out mask. Get something like that and go to the game on your press pass…hehe

Jon Joseph

Great stuff Lou! Sorry I didn’t check the site yesterday.

After being reamed by Andy Staples at The Athletic, Scott did ask for the playoff to go to 8 teams in 2020. he was shot down.

Unfortunately, I do not believe Larry’s bosses are ‘tearing their hair out?’ If anything, I believe us fans are dealing with 13 morons.

If I ever see Larry, I am going to give him a ‘Cosmo’s Moon’ job.

Steven A

Hopefully Cancel Culture will not pin Lame Duck Larry on us.

FGLumber

Love it……..not him

30Duck

Hey, it looks like Larry tried. https://www.seattletimes.com/sports/college/commissioners-decline-cfp-expansion-after-pac-12-request/

The gist of the article is this:

College Football Playoff executive director Bill Hancock said Wednesday that Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott asked the rest of management committee to consider having eight teams play for the national championship this season. ESPN first reported Scott broaching the subject.

The request was made because of disruptions to the season caused by the pandemic. Conferences are not playing the same number of games, are starting play at different times and there are no interconference matchups between Power Five leagues.

Hancock said the committee, with 10 FBS commissioners and Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick, had a “civil and thoughtful discussion.”

“To do it now, it’s such a significant change with so many challenges, especially with the season started, they thought it was best to not make a change,” Hancock said.

BigDucksFan

Lazy Larry just didn’t seem to be really into his own request. He was just saying it to say something.

30Duck

Yep, he lived as his credo says, “Better than nothing”, but is he better than nothing?

BigDucksFan

Not better but about equal to.

I still can’t understand why he is still around.

Last edited 23 days ago by BigDucksFan
30Duck

Unfortunately we do know why he’s still around. The Pac-12 Pres’s aren’t interested in getting rid of him; for his work last season he got a bonus! Now, the coaches and AD’s did express some frustration with how everything was handled, and these last few months have put more of a spotlight on Larry than before. But, whether any of that can exert any pressure on the Pres’s is the question?

BigDucksFan

I often wonder why it is they think he is doing such a good job to keep him and even give him a bonus. I mean I and a lot of us can’t see it, so why do they see it and what is it they see ??

Jon Joseph

Larry after being blistered on all the national sites had little choice but to ask for the 2020 expansion to 8 teams.

30Duck

It’s really amazing how Hancock used the very reasons that now is the perfect time to make changes, TOO NOT MAKE CHANGES!!! They weren’t going to expand the “playoffs” under normal circumstances, they aren’t going to now. THEY AREN”T GOING TO CHANGE.

What we can take from this is that the Pac-12 is the answer to the question that if a tree fell in the woods and nobody was there would it make a sound?

The committee doesn’t even know the Pac-12 exists. If one of the SEC, B1G, Big 12 weren’t playing, the committee wouldn’t expand the “Playoffs”, the “Playoffs” would be canceled completely. But, since it’s the Pac-12,”it was best not to make a change”.

30Duck

Nothing of any substance to report, but, there are whispers that Lenoir could be having thoughts about opting back. Remember, you didn’t hear anything about this first, here.

Charles Fischer

Yep, I saw that too. He is giving indications on Social Media that he is returning or he is ‘messin with us. I’m OK with reporting stuff on other sites that have subscription if a day has passed…and it has.

I was waiting until it was announced for certain before I fess-up to my wrong call. (And happily so..)

Jon Joseph

Prospective starting OL from Tyson Alger at The Athletic:

LT Jones
LG Bass
C Forsyth
RG Aumavae-Laulu
RT Tauanu’u

Look right to you?

30Duck

That looks pretty good, Jones slips in to the huge void left by Sewell, sophomore, 6’7 349, joined on the left by Bass, a junior, 6/4, 320. Center, another, Jr, Forsyth, 6’4, 300. On the right, Aumavae-Laulu, Jr, and, Tauanu’u, the baby of the bunch, a RF, 6’4, 305. There are some years here, and size. As we have learned, better have some depth at center!

Last edited 23 days ago by 30Duck
Charles Fischer

Only slightly and thought I’d add some measurements:

LT Steven Jones 6’7″ 349 lbs. Sophomore
LG T.J. Bass 6’4″ 320 lbs. Junior
C Alex Forsyth 6’4″ 300 lbs. Junior
RG Malaesala Aumavae-Laulu 6’6″ 325 lbs. Junior
RT George Moore 6’6″ 310 lbs. Senior

I went with Moore who has played, over the freshman who has not. However the starter could change a few games in…

An average of 321 lbs.? Whew! That is NFL size….

Jon Joseph

Alger did have Moore as a serious contender.

These are some BIG BOYZ!

30Duck

Saw a tweet on a, “purple things” site from whatever, “WestCoastCFB.com” is, that said,

“Not enough people realize that Pete Kwiatkowski is the best defensive mind in all of college football”

DumpsterFire

Good. I’ll agree with the analysis…that way they’ll keep him.

Charles Fischer

The hyperbolic, self-grandiose visions and beliefs of so many Husky fans almost borders on cult-like, and worthy of psychological study.

Or I can say they are fricken-crazy!

DuckUp

Great way to start the day! Thanks for the laugh Lou and Jon!

Charles Fischer

Lou and Jon….that is so much fun! You both are so talented and it makes my day; save the link everyone as you know you will need it sometime in the future!

DaDuck

I would never have imagined writing and performing a song about Limo Larry had it not been for Lou and his enthusiasm, and his ideas. This was a lot of fun, and especially given how much Limo Larry deserves this kind of recognition. And it so happens that I started writing shortly after it came out that Larry had snatched his 7-figure bonus just before firing half the staff members who worked for him. Hope he had a nice, luxurious ride going home in the limo that night.

Jon Joseph

Theme song to ‘Moonstruck’ most appropriate. Scott operates like he had 1 hand behind his back, or elsewhere?

BigDucksFan

He may have his hand behind his back but where is his head ??

Drake

When your boss is a committee it is apparently very difficult to get fired.

Jon Joseph

Especially, a committee that has never operated a ‘real’ business. How many CEOs could launch a start-up subsidiary that never in a decade met its lowest income projections and keep their job?

duckcardinal

Now that’s art – it lifts you up, while still tugging at your heart strings.

30Duck

Thanks Lou, a little, “Dino” is a great start to a morning. It’s amazing how we can look back at Larry’s stumbling start and see that’s he managed to get even worse! You’d think he’d hit the floor eventually. Apparently, he fell through and is now plummeting downward.

BigDucksFan

This beg’s the question: what can we do to get rid of Lazy Larry now without waiting any longer for him to do more damage ??

Great take Lou.

Last edited 24 days ago by BigDucksFan
Jon Joseph

When it comes to the Pac-12 Prez and Larry, it’s all Amore.

When a network dies like a soggy pizza pie, that’s amore?

BigDucksFan

It’s time to jump off a sinking ship.

Jon Joseph

Ducks first! Then, the women and children.

DumpsterFire

Umm, take to the streets à la Portland-style?

BigDucksFan

I could see myself doing that for this cause.