To the Class of 2014

capgpwn

Governor Kitzhaber, President Gottfredson, honored guests, graduates and family members. On this graduation day we gather to celebrate the University of Oregon Class of 2014. We look forward to great things and we look back on the time in your life that you may well remember as the best time you ever had … especially six months from today when the student loans come due.

But I’m just kidding, of course.  There are many good ways to pay off your student loans.

You'll be fine.  Really

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You’ll be fine. Really.

But as I look out over this sea of faces, I’m reminded of the day that you came to campus for the very first time. For some of you that was four years ago. Others five years ago. Some six. A few of you we urged to leave in a different sort of way.

Get out!

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Get out!

But regardless of how long you were here, you all have two things in common. You got a fine education from a fine institution and that fine institution will hound you to your grave for contributions.

Don't you worry.  We have your number

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Don’t you worry. We have your number.

But remember when you arrived? You knew that you had made the right choice? You found out that we were friendly.

It says so right out front

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It says so right out front.

And you found out via some of your friends from high school that not everywhere are folks as welcoming as they are here. Why just 45 miles north and a century or so back in terms of human evolution, incoming freshmen were greeted with a different kind of sign.

Welcome to Oregon State University...suckers!

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Welcome to Oregon State University … suckers!

But you were safe in the bosom of the University of Oregon. We gave you a cool song to sing.

And you didn’t know how lucky you were with that song. You could have gone to Georgia, Florida State or Alabama, where this would have been your song:

Pretty soon you made friends that you knew you would keep for life. You learned how to dress to display that special taste of Oregon Duck class.

We do lead the league in fashion

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We do lead the league in fashion!

And before you knew it, you were a real Oregon Duck.

You weren't THE Oregon Duck.  Don't be silly.  But you were AN Oregon Duck

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You weren’t THE Oregon Duck. Don’t be silly. But you were AN Oregon Duck.

Now the day has come that we have to say goodbye.  We will always cherish the time that we have spent together as part of the on-campus experience at the University of Oregon.  Please leave your gown in the designated spot.  You are welcome to keep you cap and tassel.  Let’s see, have I forgotten anything?

Oh yes,

Pick up the keys to our new Maserati in the EMU.  TASTE IT HUSKIES!  WE RULE THE WORLD!.

www.makefive.com

Pick up the keys to our new Maserati in the EMU. TASTE IT HUSKIES! WE RULE THE WORLD!

 

 

Top image by oakhalli.com

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Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings

Kim Hastings is a 1984 graduate of Northwest Christian College. He cut his journalistic teeth as sports editor of a paper in his home town of Fortuna, CA, and, later as a columnist for the Longview Daily News in Longview, WA.He saw his first Oregon game in 1977 and never missed a home game from 1981 until a bout with pneumonia cut his streak short in 1997. He was one of the proud 3200 on a bitterly cold night in Shreveport, Louisiana in 1989 for the Independence Bowl, and continues to be big supporter of Oregon sports. He is an active participant on the various Oregon Ducks messageboards as "TacomaDuck."

  • ducckk

    I laughed the entire way through this. This has been one of the many reasons I’ve loved going to UO. Now to find a job…

  • Guest

    Thanks for reading, ducckk. Good luck finding that job. You have n excellent taste in humor and that’s part of getting a good job.

  • http://duckpop22.tumblr.com DuckPop22

    Thanks for reading, ducckk. You’ll find a good job. You have excellent taste in humor. A good first step.