The Palouse is Not Hell–But You Can Smell the Brimstone From There

Alan Lohner Humor

Two weeks ago, I made the inference that Eastern Washington was hell. It was a perfectly logical assumption–the EW Eagles play football on a field that they themselves call “The Inferno,” and who am I to disagree with the very people who have consigned themselves to the netherworld? However, upon further review, I now have a more realistic outlook. It’s …

Do We Really Have to Play Boring and Blue BYU?

Alan Lohner Humor

BYU–alternately known as Boring You Unmercifully–arrives as a wooden and waxen opponent this weekend for Our Beloved Ducks, and no, we don’t want them around any more than you want your dimwitted Aunt Mildred sitting at your Thanksgiving table two months from now. Somehow, and there must be fowl play involved, these lugubrious oafs from Utah got added to our …

EW! It’s Eastern Washington and We Need to Worry

Alan Lohner Humor

The Eastern Washington Eagles swoop in today, creating trepidation and real concern for Duck fans flocking to Autzen Stadium: “Did I pack the paper plates for the tailgate?” “Is there enough ice for the IPA?” “Where’s the Weber grill?” I know the answer to that last one–it’s in the garage under all that junk that’s been thrown on top of …

Can We Neuter the Bulldogs in Neutral City?

Alan Lohner Humor

Oh, the anticipation! It’s just a few hours before it all begins–the dashing, the smashing, the brutal bashing. But enough talk about those screwy malls and commencing holiday shopping. We’ve got football today–Georgia, at last. Our Beloved Ducks have flown across the continent to not-so-neutral Neutral City, led by Coach Dan Lanning, Our Beloved Savior of the Gridiron Who Can …

College Football Returns with a Flash? No, a Flush

Alan Lohner Humor

Is college football going down the drain? From the looks of today’s 11 flushable games, it well could be, if only temporarily. This is officially Week 0, presumably because of the number of zeroes that are playing. (And yes, that includes you, Florida Atlantic, and ex-Oregon coach Willie What’s-His-Name.) If it’s pomp, pageantry, and high drama you seek, you’re going …

The 12 Days of Beavis

Kim Hastings Humor

I am a great believer in Thanksgiving. And why wouldn’t I be? It is the only holiday dedicated to life’s three primary joys, food, family, and football. Ah, the memories. Who can forget the year that your sister brandished a turkey leg at you until you changed the television from Bears/Lions to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? Your sister: Not …

Oregon Ducks Recruiting Update: Top Prep Mascot Coming to Eugene

Darren Perkins Best of FishDuck.com Humor, Humor

Coach Willie Taggart once again waves his Florida magic wand to secure a major recruit. Kenny Johns, a 5-star mascot performer out of Gainesville, FL, has committed to the Oregon Ducks. Johns confirmed his commitment to 247Sports later that day: “Duck yeah! I’m a Duck!” The 5’10” Johns (ninth-ranked mascot per 247Sports Composite) is an excellent foot stomper and can reel off …

10 Reasons Why Oregon Spring Football is Better Than Sex

Abbie -The FishDuck.com Mascot Humor

Spring is in the air, and you know what that means. It means it’s time for us to take our main squeeze by the hand, stroll on down to the park, lay out a blanket, and engage in our favorite pastime. Alright, alright, get your head out of the gutter, we’re talking about Oregon Ducks Spring Football! And here are …

The Bizarro Reality of Life Without Matthew Knight Arena

Darren Perkins Humor

Make no mistake about it.  Without Matthew Knight Arena, the Ducks wouldn’t have Dana Altman, they wouldn’t have the talent, and they wouldn’t be in the final four. Or would they? Because in a disturbing alternate reality where MKA is still a piece of land with an old bakery on it, the Ducks would still be celebrating 2017 in the …

Tourney Brackets for (and by) Dummies

Kim Hastings Humor

One weekend and a half in and your NCAA tourney bracket is shattered beyond belief. Why? Where did you go wrong? You calculated the assist/turnover ratio in neutral-site games played in December, but before Christmas. You searched the power rankings put out by ESPN, NPR, and The Food Network. This was supposed to be your year. Alas, you made just …

What the Oregon Ducks are Giving up for Lent

Kim Hastings Best of FishDuck.com Humor, Humor

My friends … Kim Hastings was the humor writer at FishDuck.com for over four years, as every Saturday morning it was fun to check the site and have some laughs over a good cup of java. I really miss his humor, and as favor to me–he came back to offer some fun to brighten your day too. Charles Fischer My …