Oregon Ducks Recruiting Update: Top Prep Mascot Coming to Eugene

Darren Perkins Best of FishDuck.com Humor, Humor 7 Comments

Coach Willie Taggart once again waves his Florida magic wand to secure a major recruit. Kenny Johns, a 5-star mascot performer out of Gainesville, FL, has committed to the Oregon Ducks. Johns confirmed his commitment to 247Sports later that day: “Duck yeah! I’m a Duck!” The 5’10” Johns (ninth-ranked mascot per 247Sports Composite) is an excellent foot stomper and can reel off …

10 Reasons Why Oregon Spring Football is Better Than Sex

FishDuck Staff Humor 4 Comments

Spring is in the air, and you know what that means. It means it’s time for us to take our main squeeze by the hand, stroll on down to the park, lay out a blanket, and engage in our favorite pastime. Alright, alright, get your head out of the gutter, we’re talking about Oregon Ducks spring football! And here are …

The Bizarro Reality of Life Without Matthew Knight Arena

Darren Perkins Humor 3 Comments

Make no mistake about it.  Without Matthew Knight Arena, the Ducks wouldn’t have Dana Altman, they wouldn’t have the talent, and they wouldn’t be in the final four. Or would they? Because in a disturbing alternate reality where MKA is still a piece of land with an old bakery on it, the Ducks would still be celebrating 2017 in the …

Tourney Brackets for (and by) Dummies

Kim Hastings Humor 0 Comments

One weekend and a half in and your NCAA tourney bracket is shattered beyond belief. Why? Where did you go wrong? You calculated the assist/turnover ratio in neutral-site games played in December, but before Christmas. You searched the power rankings put out by ESPN, NPR, and The Food Network. This was supposed to be your year. Alas, you made just …

What the Oregon Ducks are Giving up for Lent

Kim Hastings Best of FishDuck.com Humor, Humor 5 Comments

My friends … Kim Hastings was the humor writer at FishDuck.com for over four years, as every Saturday morning it was fun to check the site and have some laughs over a good cup of java. I really miss his humor, and as favor to me–he came back to offer some fun to brighten your day too. Charles Fischer My …

Corvallis, Oregon, Reaches for It’s True Potential

Kim Hastings Humor 1 Comment

Hello friends. It’s good to talk with you again. As most of you know, I retired from FishDuck.com some time ago. I am enjoying the warm weather in my retirement community. The neighbors speak with an accent, making communication difficult. But that will come with time. Not long ago I was reading a magazine someone had smuggled, via their rectum, into …

Cranky Curmudgeon: Happy Meat Market Day!

Jon Joseph Humor 0 Comments

Signing day is coming The SEC is getting fat Please put a top 300 dude In Coach Helf’s recruiting hat!   If you don’t have a 300 Then a few 400’s will do If you don’t have any 400’s Puddles turns from green to blue! The annual mating ritual between high school football players and college football (‘CFB’) head coaches culminates on Wednesday, February 3, …

Are We Entitled? Is That a Bad Thing?

Kim Hastings Humor 5 Comments

“Entitled.” Some people use it a weapon when discussing fan behavior. Sort of a “drop-the-mic and declare victory” moment. Critical of the defense? “Oh, you’re entitled.” Critical of the coaching? “You should lose your entitlement attitude.” Disappointed over a season seemingly topping out with a minor pre-New Year’s Day Bowl? “You must be” — *fill in the blank* — “entitled, …

FishDuck.com’s Fearless Oregon-Cal Prediction

Kim Hastings Humor 2 Comments

Good morning, Duck fans! We thought we would take this opportunity to let you behind the curtain of FishDuck.com. Many of you have asked, “How does FishDuck.com do it? You guys are always so right on! It’s uncanny.” We arrive at our conclusions through research behind the numbers. All designed to provide you with the tools you need to be …