An Expert’s Take on the Ducks Struggles and Mullens’ Failures

Dear Mr. Mullens:

I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!

Before Oregon, I was a BIG Tebow/Florida fan. That is, before the Broncos RUINED the best thing to ever happen to that team.

Before Oregon, I was a big Tebow/Florida fan. And Denver. That is, before the Broncos ruined the best thing to ever happen to that team.

I have been a fan of Oregon football for years (well, I started following Oregon when they went to the “Natty” in 2011) and I just cannot sit idly by and allow you and the coaches to ruin my team!

I know insiders, people who have very close connections to the team (this guy I met in a bar has ESPN Insider and reads every John Canzano article!!!), and I can tell you that the team is literally falling apart.

At this rate we will lose the rest of our games this season!

Let’s look at the last four games we’ve played:

Oregon got destroyed by Ohio State (we will ignore that Oregon had just destroyed Florida State and were within a point of the Buckeyes in the third quarter).

Then the Ducks barely beat Eastern Washington to kick off 2015 (despite never really being threatened, leading by 13 or more for nearly the entire game).

They followed up that performance by getting stomped by Michigan State (on the road, against a top-5 team looking for revenge, and still had a chance to win on the last possession).

And last weekend, they squeaked out a flawed win over hapless Georgia State (should have been 99-0!!!).


From Video

I am mad as hell …

First of all, why are we even playing these teams like Georgia State and Eastern Washington? Teams like Alabama never schedule these cupcakes (hello Middle Tennessee State, Charleston Southern, and ULM … huh?? Really??). The real programs play teams that are tough, not the joke schools we schedule.

I am in top management and I have years of leadership experience (I manage a mini-storage and earn way more than minimum wage!), so with my background I have no choice but to look at Oregon football like a business. And if this were a business I would fire the GM, and maybe even the CEO, and that would be you.

(Please ignore the hopelessly flawed analogy since football is a zero-sum game necessitating that for every win, there is a corresponding loss. Thus, the average winning percentage of all teams in the aggregate must be 50 percent, while all businesses can grow with the economy.)

It’s embarrassing! We are Oregon(!) and we need to aspire to be like the best teams in the history of college football. Since 1995 our winning percentage is a lowly 73.8 percent.  How can you sit there and accept this mediocrity! The great schools would not! Lets look at some.

Alabama:  69.2%

USC:  71.6

Oklahoma:  72.2

Wait …

OK, let’s look for a moment at UCLA. What advantages do they have over Oregon? None!

OK, sure they are in Southern California, where a top high school has more high-level four-star recruits than the entire state of Oregon.

Sure, the weather is amazing. And the beaches are nice … some of them.

A typical SoCal beach these days.

A typical SoCal beach these days.

Yes, they have a longer tradition of winning.

And UCLA is a top-tier university.

Yes, those California girls DO look good, but …

We are Oregon, dang it!  We deserve to win!

Oh, so over the past 20 years UCLA has won only 57 percent of their games? Really? That can’t be right … .

Well ok, math was never my strong point. It’s still football!

Last year we lost to Arizona … Arizona! These upsets are unacceptable. Other great teams do not get upset!  It simply never happens to great teams with great coaches. Think about it!

By the way, are you watching this Alabama-Ole Miss game? Very entertaining!

And its obvious we can’t win the big games. Lost again in the big one, the Natty!

(Ok, it’s true to get there Oregon had to beat really good teams like MSU, UCLA, Arizona and defending national champion and undefeated FSU)

The VARSITY team I coached.

The Varsity team I coached.

I know a thing about football. I played D-1 football and coached at a high level (ok, I was really a back up on a mediocre high school team with no D1 talent, but I did sub for my brother-in-law as coach for two Pop Warner games).

The Ducks are not a well-coached team!

And what’s with this coach? He is way too calm. Everyone knows that you have to get the guys fired up! Like — when a player makes a mistake, he should be chewing the player’s ass out immediately and publicly.

That’s how you motivate (it worked for my wife! OK, ex wife. She left me after I was too … motivational)!

I invest a lot of money in Oregon football (I sometimes buy expensive beer when I watch the game on TV). If big changes are not made, and I mean soon, I will be forced to withdraw my support (you can expect me to not wear that off-brand Oregon shirt I bought when I go to work next week). I’m serious!


John Bandwagon Know-it-all

Top Photo from Video

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Bruce Veldhuisen

Bruce Veldhuisen

Bruce is a lifelong Duck fan, and at his age that means he has seen both the recent highs and the not-so-recent lows. A lifelong entrepreneur, he has spent the last 25 years in SE Asia after completing his MBA at Portland State, but still manages to get back to Oregon for at least one or two games per year.

  • Bill Thompson

    Excellent! Much needed perspective for too many fans.

  • FishDuck

    I simply love this…fiction becomes the truth?


    Love it! I have to kind of laugh at the guy who has been a fan since 2011. Like 247 site these guy’s have only been around since all the winning has taken place. I’ve been a DUCK since well they really sucked and I still rooted for them. I was real excited when we went 6-5 with Reggie Ogburn as our QB. If these new fans had any clue!

    • Duckman45

      I could be wrong but I believe that Reggie Ogburn led the ducks to a 6-3-2 record, yes I remember those days also Maitaiduck, how things have changed. I hate to admit this but I sat through the whole 0-0 OSU toilet bowl in 83
      ( along with about 5,000 other fools). I enjoy your perspective Maitaiduck posting.

      • FishDuck

        I was at the Toilet Bowl as well and remember the rain!

        • Weston

          Ugh! I sat through the entire Toilet Bowl AND had west end zone seats. Talk about “fool”. But, hey, I’ve supported my Ducks since Fouts was a sophomore.

          • Duckman45

            Not only wet but very cold. It might have seemed colder because I was so wet. All those years hoping for a 6 win season and maybe a sniff at a bowl. Just like many of you other long time duckies, I do not take any of this success for granted.

          • Thaiduck

            For me, I remember running around in the (empty) North bleachers as Oregon lost to San Jose State and similar teams…….

          • Thaiduck

            Oh… I am the author haha

  • duckusucker

    I think you needed to comment, however, on the pathetic play of Jeff Lockie. I mean, why didn’t he put up 50 points in the first half? And not being picked? That obviously means he just flat-out can’t throw a deep ball! And he didn’t fumble one snap, either… that shows he’s just playing too conservatively. Nor did he lie out on the field after absorbing a big hit: he just can’t run!

  • GoDucks

    Where does one apply for the company you manage?

  • Jen

    I see you are an AVID FAN!! I wonder if you can help me. I have searched and searched, but my Google-fu is failing me. Do you know where I can find a list of the month and day of each Civil War game?