Ducks Travel to East Lansing Asking, “Where?”

Kim Hastings Best of FishDuck.com Humor Leave a Comment

The Oregon Ducks got the kinks out offensively last week against Eastern Washington (and played defense somewhat offensively at the same time, but we’re not going there today) in preparation for the meatier part of the schedule. This week, the Michigan State Spartans host the Mightys at Spartan Stadium in East Lansing, Michigan. FishDuck.com sent their crack staff (me and an acne-scarred intern with a flip phone) on the road to research Michigan State.

Man! Last time I worked for Fish the travel budget was a lot better!

en.wikimedia.org

Man! Last time I worked for Fish the travel budget was a lot better!

Oregon and Michigan actually have a lot in common. The largest cities in the state are vibrant hubs of culture and artistry. Smaller cities house the government offices. In other words, Detroit is Portland and Salem is Lansing. Unfortunately the similarities end there.

Welcome to Eugene!

commons.wikimedia.org

Welcome to Eugene! We’re sure you’ll enjoy yourself.

Welcome to East Lansing! We dare you to enjoy yourself.

en.wikimedia.org

Welcome to East Lansing! We dare you to enjoy yourself.

One of the things I like to do when I visit another team’s hometown is to get a handle on the uniqueness to be found there. Who can forget our trip to Knoxville where we learned about the local industry?

Probably why those folks were so hospitable, even while getting crushed.

commons.wikimedia.org

Probably why those folks were so hospitable, even while getting crushed.

Or the first time I went to Corvallis and saw what passes for a good time there.

Corvallis Daily Blather Headline: Sept. 9, 1991

flickr.com

Corvallis Daily Blather Headline: Sept. 9, 1991

So you can imagine how excited I was to have a chance to see what makes Michigan State University special. Oregon is well-known for Fulbright Scholars, Pulitzer Prize winners (humbly I won’t name names) and even a Nobel Laureate or two. What can MSU offer? My intern and I dug in to find out. What we found shocked us to our core.

We were shocked to find out that not a single student at Michigan State University had ever amounted to anything.

en.wikimedia.org

Not a single student in the history of Michigan State University has ever amounted to anything.

Like in the case of the State of Oregon, the “State” university has been a drain on society from its inception. While the University of Michigan has produced some of the nation’s finest minds and Harvard is known as “Oregon with an Amusing Accent” OSU and MSU have combined to produce…

Zip

moirawillenov.deviantart.com

Zip

So, when Oregon takes the field on Saturday evening know the team against whom we strive is made up of talented and trained athletes.

But that there is something sadly and fatally wrong with the people who root for them...as well as the ones who letter their jerseys.

commons.wikimedia.org

But grieve, as well. For there is something sadly and fatally wrong with the people who root for them…as well as the ones who letter their jerseys.

Go Ducks! Splatter the Spartans!

Kim Hastings
Tacoma, Washington

Top Image by en.wikimedia.org

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