The 12 Days of Beavis

Kim Hastings Humor

I am a great believer in Thanksgiving. And why wouldn’t I be? It is the only holiday dedicated to life’s three primary joys, food, family, and football. Ah, the memories. Who can forget the year that your sister brandished a turkey leg at you until you changed the television from Bears/Lions to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? Your sister: Not an Eric Hipple fan.

Sadly, my favorite holiday has been overrun by all things Christmas. As if 25+ days aren’t enough for Yuletide glee, Christmas has over-run the month of November and is advancing against October. Do you think I’m exaggerating? Each year I keep track of the year’s first Christmas ad on TV and when it first aired.

The above ad was both a little creepy and aired THREE DAYS BEFORE HALLOWEEN!

So, I give up. If Christmas, as far as the eye can see, is the way it is, I offer the following little ditty in honor of our unfortunate friends, the unwashed adherents to Oregon State football.

On the first day of Christmas, my Beav, I give to thee, a Duck fan who lost a bet. (above)

Kevin Cline

Trust me Ducks–it could be a lot worse…

(above) On the second day of Christmas, my Beav, I give to thee two sad Beavs and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

(above) On the third day of Christmas, my Beav I give to thee, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

Kevin Cline

You oughta see his ring…

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Beav I give to thee, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet. (above)
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(above) On the fifth day of Christmas, my Beav I give to thee, A stiff arm, to…the…chops!

On the sixth day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet. (above)

On the seventh day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, my prediction for this game, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

OSU Athletics

They didn’t win, but the Beavers beat the spread against New Mexico.

(above) On the eighth day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, the Beavers beat the spread, my prediction for this game, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

(above) On the ninth day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, a Beaver’s SAT score, the Beavers beat the spread, my prediction for this game, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

On the tenth day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, THE Real OSU, a Beaver’s SAT score, the Beavers beat the spread, my prediction for this game, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

(above) On the 11th day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, a Beaver slits his throat, THE Real OSU, a Beaver’s SAT score, the Beavers beat the spread, my prediction for this game, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

On the 12th day of Christmas my Beav I give to thee, the best (worst) Beaver uni, a Beaver slits his throat, THE OSU, a Beaver’s SAT score, the Beavers beat the spread, my prediction for this game, two six-packs downed too quickly, a stiff arm to the chops, Beaver fine jewelry, a life of OSU angst, two sad Beavs, and a Duck fan who lost a bet.

Go Ducks! We have some seriously bad taste to wash out of our mouths.

Kim Hastings
Tacoma, Washington
Top Photo by Kevin Cline

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