What You Should Know About Georgia State

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 0 Comments

Good morning, Ducks. This Saturday our boys take a break from Fingergate to play an actual football game against Georgia State. The early point spread lists us as a 40+ point favorite. I think it’s too much. We are facing an experienced and, frankly, violent team. As is our custom, FishDuck.com researched the daylights out of Georgia State to offer you some …

Ducks Travel to East Lansing Asking, “Where?”

Kim Hastings Best of FishDuck.com Humor 3 Comments

The Oregon Ducks got the kinks out offensively last week against Eastern Washington (and played defense somewhat offensively at the same time, but we’re not going there today) in preparation for the meatier part of the schedule. This week, the Michigan State Spartans host the Mightys at Spartan Stadium in East Lansing, Michigan. FishDuck.com sent their crack staff (me and an …

FishDuck Correspondents Around the League at the Start of the Season

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 1 Comment

The beginning of the football season marks the return of many of our long-term writers at FishDuck.com, and Kim Hastings providing the humor is something I’ve been looking forward to all summer! He will not be on Saturdays as in the past because beginning next week — he will be spoofing our opponents on Thursdays! Welcome back, Kim!  – Charles Fischer …

End of an Era

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 3 Comments

Three years, nine months, and 18 days ago I was asked to submit a column for a new website called FishDuck.com. In the 197 weeks since, I contributed 197 pieces to the site. Wednesday morning I received a call from The Big Fish himself telling me this will be the last regularly scheduled edition, at least for now wink, wink, …

As Seen While Under the Knife

Kim Hastings Humor 0 Comments

It was supposed to be a 12-minute procedure — anesthetized, wheeled into the operating room, surgery, and home that afternoon. Blood pressure 128/81. Perfect. Oxygen saturation, 96%. Very good. Heart rate 91. Not unusual pre-surgery. All systems go. IV attached and running smoothly. Kiss the wife goodbye, and I’m off. The cold air and bright lights of an O.R. are …

FishDuck’s 2nd Annual Letter to Graduates of the University of Oregon

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Governor Kate Brown, President Scott (don’t call me John) Coltrane, incoming FIFA President Hope Solo, parents and family of the 2015 graduates of the University of Oregon, and graduates one and all. My name is Kim Hastings and it is my distinct honor (on behalf of FishDuck.com/wepaidhandsomelyforthispimpspot) to be invited to speak to you on this august June (?) day. Graduates, …

Surprising Fifth-Year Transfers Around the League

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With the arrival of Vernon Adams and now Matt Hegarty, our Ducks have shored up some potential weak spots going into the coming season. FishDuck.com sent me the following memo from the home office in Cancun: Find out what other schools are doing with respect to fifth-year seniors. And stop submitting expense account vouchers for “The Girls of the Pac-10” on Pay-Per-View. FishDuck …

Top Ten Reasons Duck Fans Are Excited About Vernon Adams

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 1 Comment

David Letterman‘s retirement leaves a gaping void in the landscape of late night television. To honor the retirement of one of television’s true greats, FishDuck.com presents the Top Ten reasons we are excited about incoming University of Oregon quarterback Vernon Adams. Number Ten, Fan Base Excitement: Young Mr. Adams made a name for himself while playing for Eastern Washington. His decision to attend Oregon …

Around the Conference in Cartoon Characters

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December 17, 1989, was the day “The Simpsons” dethroned Cosby before his “hobby” had a chance to do the job. In the 26 years since, TV’s first prime-time cartoon has presented viewers with many memorable characters. With the announcement this week of Harry Shearer‘s departure, the iconic cartoon will be without the voices of Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, …

Has My Obsession With the Ducks Gone Too Far?

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 0 Comments

After basketball, baseball and the Spring Game have come and gone, I like to sit back and take stock. Where are we, as an athletic department? Are there changes I would like to see made in the direction of the various teams? Am I doing all I can in helping the University of Oregon (Or “Argin” if you are Roger …

Roger Goodell’s Secret Draft Day Tweets

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It has to get tiresome for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He steps to the microphone to announce draft picks and gets booed. Sure he handled the Adrian Peterson case with all the finesse of a jackhammer going through creme brulee. Sure he waffled so many times during the Ray Rice case that the 2015 NFL season is sponsored by Bisquick. You bet …