Mad Men Meet Spring Football

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 2 Comments

It’s all about the marketing, baby.  NASCAR interviewees could tell us that their car was fine.  Instead they say, “The Motorcraft, M&M’s, Northern Ultra Chevy was purring like a kitten.”  It’s not only the let’s-turn-left crowd, though.  Just this week the NBA floated the (awful) idea that player uniforms might bear sponsor names in the future.  Holy Manchester United, Batman. …

The Tax Man Bloweth

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 5 Comments

I can’t be expected to be funny today.  I’m working under a great deal of stress.  This is the weekend that makes strong men cower and weak men crumble.  Monday is tax day. Sure, I could have done my taxes earlier, but I had to wait for my Form 1120-F  ”Deductions Allocated to Effectively Connected Income Under Regulations Section 1.861-8″, …

Rabbits Don’t Lay Eggs, Y’all.

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For much of the world, Easter is the holiest day of the year.  That said, there is no day on the calender more filled with off-topic nonsense than that which will occur tomorrow. First there is the stressful activity known as the Easter Egg Hunt.  I dreaded the thing.  My little brother was the world’s greatest Easter Egg finder-guy.  It …

I’m Rich!!!

Kim Hastings FishWrap, FishWrap Archive 1 Comment

At least, I soon will be.  The MegaMillions drawing is tonight and I bought a ticket for it.  It’s almost in the bag that I will be the big winner because I haven’t before. That means I’m due. All that’s left while I wait for my inevitable numbers to ping pong out of the machine  is to decide what I …

Have You Seen My Snake?

Kim Hastings Humor 1 Comment

And a good day to you, lads and lassies, on the feast day of St. Patrick!  Kermit the Frog became a wealthy sock when he declared, in scratchy melody, “It Ain’t Easy Being Green.”  Silly frog.  Not only is it easy being green, it’s downright refreshing!  First a little history: St. Patrick was born in 367 in the town of …

The 2012 Duckademy Awards

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It’s Hollywood’s Biggest Night!  The streets are filled with elegant ladies and dashing gentlemen arriving at The Kodak Theater in Tinseltown U.S.A.  This is the night that we’ve all been waiting for.  The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will present their coveted statuettes to some of the most deserving rich people er…artistes, craftsmen, poets, and geniuses in the …

I Thought They Said “Lint”…

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…And that would have been okay.  Everyone gets a little lint on themselves now and again. Dryer sheets are good for that.  ” Here just use a lint brush  and we’ll be good to go.  Maybe a touch or two with a piece of scotch tape  and…” “What????” “Ohhhh…you want to talk about LENT!” This is a different story entirely. …

SATURDAY SPOOFS: How to Be a Good Lover

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This article almost doesn’t need to be written.  The male Duck fan is already known far and wide as the smoothest, suavest, butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, coolest cat in America.  By comparison to a normal Duck fan,  Cary Grant is Pee Wee Herman, Ryan Reynolds is Peter Griffin, and Justin Timberlake is just “Bringin’ Back Pocket Protectors”.  Why just last …

SATURDAY SPOOFS: A Worldwide, Big Ol’ Deal, Exclusive

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Every Saturday, the FishDuck team takes a lighter side look at the world of sports…     Announcer: (Whispering)  ”Hello, I’m Biff McClain, pretty legendary reporter for Universal Fish.  I’m hidden inside a broom closet in the home of Harry Lungwallop,  star defensive end recruit from Matters Much High School in Santa Ana, California.  I’m here to report the inside …